Are You a Good Kisser?A mini refresher course

“Dump him. A bad kisser is non-negotiable.”

  • Samantha Jones in Sex & The City

Poor Charlotte was trying to salvage her relationship with the bad kisser hoping that practice makes perfect, but how many women will really give a guy a second chance? Or vice versa? Don’t risk it – just be a better kisser. Better kissers make better lovers. Here are a few pointers:


Kissing is an erotic art. It requires your full attention and a relaxed demeanor. The best way to start is with eye contact and hand-holding to build the physical excitement between you in anticipation of your mouths coming together.


Keeping your lips soft and relaxed, use the muscles behind your lips instead of the lips themselves to drive your technique. This way your partner feels only soft satiny flesh, but the hint of muscle behind them is enough to tease and stroke her lips with the right amount of pressure. The best way to introduce the tongue is slowly. With a few initial flicks, you’ll be able to tell how it’s being received. Take your cue from your partner. If she is egging you on, then give her more. If she’s holding back, then keep yourself in check too.

Less is More

You never want to be forcing yourself on someone. It’s an instant turn-off for your partner if you’re sticking your tongue down his throat and he hasn’t warmed up yet. On the other hand, the more you tease and dart, caress and pull back, the more he will come up to meet you, and be looking for more.


Your teeth stay out of the whole ordeal, unless you’re going in for a nibble or a bite. You can gently grab your partner’s lower lip with your teeth and suck on it a little bit, or go vampire and take time out to bite their neck. Otherwise, knocking teeth is not sexy.

Let it Build

Feel the rhythm of your partner’s desire driving the kiss, then take back ‘control’ and show what you like. This back and forth builds excitement and give you a chance to show that you are a generous lover, but also like to drive the ship sometimes. A kiss is a precursor to what this person will be like as a lover should it progress, so let the passion wash over you and enjoy the ride. It might take you somewhere even more fulfilling.

Beware Repetition

A rhythmic pattern gets established quickly when you’re kissing, and that’s fine. You need to create a sense of timing between you that moves like music. But don’t be too predictable. You don’t want her rolling her eyes on the inside thinking, “Okay, here we go again with the tongue twirl, then side to side…” Instead, go the opposite direction from what you did last, or pull away and look her in the eye again, going in for a few gentle kisses instead. Switch things up to thwart expectation and make the experience more dynamic.

Read Body Language

A great kiss is has more to it than just lips locked in a solitary movement. It’s your whole head, your neck, your hands, arms and bodies involved in the action. Take a read of the situation and do things to relax your partner. For example, if you feel he’s nervous and isn’t moving his head very much, caress his head and hair and dig your fingers in a little bit, moving his head for him. No doubt he’ll respond to the sensation and let himself go a little bit more.

Kissing is a beautiful give and take experience. It’s a chance to demonstrate your passion for your partner, and let her know that you care about her pleasure. Be confident and respectful and most importantly, enjoy yourself!

Clinical Sexologist Dr. Ava Cadell says, "A kiss is a powerful form of

communication that triggers information through sensations and feelings that

can convey the future of a relationship. The way you kiss can reveal your

personality in and out of the bedroom. Not wanting to be kissed by your

partner is a signal of trouble in the relationship. Making passionate

kissing a daily ritual will help keep the sexual chemistry alive."