What Do We Think About When We Masturbate?

The taxonomic breakdown of our masturbation thought process is something I’ve thought a lot about in the past few weeks.That is, how does one dissect masturbation ideation into catalogued units or subtypes so that it makes immediate sense to the 98% of us who do it on a regular basis?

It’s quite obvious to anyone who masturbates that what one thinks about when he/she masturbates, varies from session to session.What prompt (video, image, smell, emotion, thought, etc.) you masturbated to when you first started getting to know your pubescent self is probably different than the prompt you thought about when you masturbated today.And, what prompt thought about when you masturbated today will likely be different than the prompt you will think about when you masturbate tomorrow or the next day, etc.

So, in order to make sense of the various prompts we use during masturbation I have – after extensive surveying and research - developed three subtypes to help us break it down.

Basically it has to do with the time continuum in our brains. We pleasure ourselves to thoughts and memories related to our past, prompts related to our present and imaginative thoughts related to the future.

Therefore, the subtypes of masturbation are like the three ghosts in A Christmas Carol, (or, if you prefer a more contemporary example, Ghosts of Girlfriends Past) they are Prompts of the Past, Prompts of the Present, and Prompts of what’s Yet to Come (or Prompts of the Future).

Prompts of the Past

Past masturbatory cognitive prompts are tied to our complete sexual history.For instance, if you’re thinking about an ex-lover’s body and the way he used to touch you in certain places while you begin to massage yourself, then you are using a prompt of the past. It’s natural for our minds to seek out and rest on memories that turned us on before – and use them to turn us on again!

Prompts of the Present

If you are using a video aid (porn) or a naked pic of Levi Johnston or some type of artifact in the present moment to get your love juices flowing and your thinking about that then you are using a prompt of the present.The key here is that you’re not thinking about what has happened, or what will or what could happen, rather you’re thinking only about what exists in the now, i.e you and that particular image, video, etc.

Prompts of the Future

Future prompts are created by our imagination.They are thoughts or scenarios or, optimally put, fantasies related to what could happen, what “should” happen, or what you really want to happen, but probably, in reality won’t happen, i.e., B. Pitt ripping off your clothes.Like, for example, I’m watching Scream 2 right now with Neve Campbell and I’m not fixating on her appearance in the movie (which would be present prompt) But I’m imagining her doing things.Dirty things.I can’t help it.

What should be obvious about these masturbation subtypes is that one is not locked into one or the other during a session.The human brain is capable of processing a ton of data in a split second and thoughts triggered by memories, external stimuli, and salacious desires can all tunnel through one’s mind prior to ejaculation or climax.In other words, in a single masturbation session, an individual could use a combination of prompts, some from the past, some existing in the present, and some from an imagined future. Masturbatory cognitive prompts are fluid and flex across a time continuum.

However, what is interesting in breaking this stuff down is that upon climax everything recesses, and we experience the complete absence of thought.Ejaculation is, for the most part, a purely neural impulse.But it takes a lot of cognitive brainstorming to get us there.

Now, for the fun part, I asked some women what they thought about when the masturbated, here are some of the answers:

“The upwardly curved penis of my ex, is that weird?”

“Scents! Like the smell of violets mixed with sweat and sour honey milk”

“Buzzzzzzzzzz!”

“I don’t think, not really, I try not to think about thinking, just focus on the

weight of my body in the bed and my instruments at work – I listen to myself”

“Kisses, wet and sloppy.And tongue, I don’t have to explain that, do I?”

“Whatever porn my roommates watching.”

“Promise you won’t laugh?Promise?I once thought of Eugene Levy.”