By Nikki Leigh

Men and women often become sexually active at different ages. They also mature physically, mentally, emotionally and sexually at different ages. Let’s take a look at some of things that are indicative of an average person’s sex life in their 20s.

Whether you have your first sexual experiences in your teens or 20s, it’s likely that many people will experiment sexually in their 20s, perhaps because most people move out of their parent’s house in their 20s. College can be a great time to experiment and test the limits of your sexuality. Even for the young men and women who had parents who let them do what they wanted in their teens, there is still something stimulating and liberating about moving into your 20s – you’ve become an adult and have the freedom to explore your sexuality without being under the watchful eye of your parents.

Our perspectives and attitudes about sex change depending on our personal situations and our age. Some activities are more common in our 20s, 30s or 40s.

What are some of the things you tried in your late teens or your 20s? Here are a few examples:

Thinking About Sex A Lot

Men and women in their 20s think about sex a lot. Whether it’s triggered by seeing a hot woman or sexy guy, hearing a sexy voice, watching porn, seeing a centerfold or reading an erotic novel - or even a stiff breeze on a warm sunny day (!) – 20-somethings think about sex very frequently. When you’re in your 20s, usually you don’t have as many life responsibilities and sex is still a relatively new concept – that combination of free time and the excitement of a new ‘activity’ can add up to a lot of sensual daydreaming.

Bi-Curious and Same Sex Experimentation

Your 20s are a popular time to experiment, whether it’s with the opposite sex or the same gender. I’ve heard all kinds of stories about people experimenting in college or at parties when they are young. Even if you know that you’re straight, you may just be curious. What would it be like to kiss and maybe make out with another woman? What would it be like to kiss another guy? Your 20s may be the time you decide to find out how it feels.

NSA and Friends with Benefits

Your 20s are also a great time for ‘no strings attached’ sex and ‘friends with benefits.’ You may feel you’re too young to be married or you just aren’t ready to be in a long term relationship, but you still want to have sex – these are two options that men and women have at their disposal to get the intimacy they crave while remaining single. This decade provides years of time to ‘try people on’ and figure out what kind of mate you may want to choose for a life partner, even if you’re not ready for one yet.  It’s also a great time to build up your self-confidence and self-esteem, developing a sense of who you are, what type of sexuality you ‘own’ and how to project it to receive what you need emotionally and physically.

Various Sexual Positions

Your 20s can also be a great time to try a wide variety of sexual positions. You are young, full of energy and likely more limber and flexible than you will be in your 30s, 40s and beyond. This is a great time to try different types of sex and different positions. See what appeals to you and what you like with a partner. Your preferences could change as you get older and with different partners, but that’s all right. You keep things interesting and you can keep discovering new things that you enjoy.

Threesomes and Moresomes

Most men and many women have thought about or fantasized about being in a threesome or other group sex. You may feel your 20s are the right time to experiment with sex with multiple partners. A threesome or other group sex can be more enjoyable and less emotional when you aren’t in a relationship – so your 20s make sense as the time to try sex with a man and a woman, two men or two women. This is an article I wrote for couples considering a threesome and this is an article I wrote for an individual considering a threesome with a couple.  Both include important things you should consider before having a threesome.

Sex with An Older Partner

For people in their 20s with limited sexual experience or for those who are curious to learn more, sex with an older man or woman can be fulfilling and educational. An older partner will likely have more experience and can teach you new things – not only by introducing you to new techniques, but also to a new self-awareness. With age comes perspective and a propensity for slowing things down and savoring the moment. If you’re interested in learning how to cherish sex, become comfortable with it, or learn new things, then hooking up with someone older than yourself can be a good place to start.

These are just some of the activities and attitudes that can be normal for people having sex in their 20. What other things would you include?

There are many things to consider when you have sex for the first time and when you’re having sex at a young age. That is content for another article, but if you would like to talk about concerns or question, feel free to email me at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .

Read the other articles in this series:

Your Sex Life By Decade: 30-Somethings

Your Sex Life By Decade: 40-Somethings

Do you freeze up in sex shops? Or worse still, do you never go in because you can’t look the clerks in the eye? It can be really embarrassing to buy your first vibrator, but it does get easier. Especially when you can do a boatload of research on the Internet. Although, I do recommend browsing in person since there’s nothing like getting up close and personal.

First you have to decide what your priority is – low noise so your roommates don’t hear? Multiple speeds as you pick up speed? Simultaneous vaginal, anal and clitoral stimulation? Are you looking to stimulate your G-spot (the spot on the front vaginal wall that stimulates the urethral sponge) or are you strictly a clitoral gal?

Here are a few of my discoveries to start you on your way, but of course the best way to figure out what you really like is to start with one choice and then experiment to find out what will speak to you and your body.

Evolved Diamond Edition

This is a great ‘starter’ vibe. The satin-smooth finish is to die for, and the ‘diamond’-encrusted ring around the control twist comes in handy when your or your partner’s hands are too slick to grip. It’s completely waterproof, making it shower and bath friendly, and it’s phthalate-free so it’s safe for anyone with allergic reactions to other plastics.

Babeland Nubby G

Babeland says this is their most popular G-spot stimulator, and I can see why. It’s no-nonsense and simple, with a curved shape to do your best exploring.

OhMiBod Club Vibe

Okay I have to admit I’m putting this on here because it’s on my wish list. I haven’t technically tried it yet but get this: it vibrates to your favorite music or sounds! It has three modes, ambient, music or manual which means you can either let the ambient music in the room set it off, plug it into your MP3 player and get off to your own songs, or use the mini microphone to feel the vibrations of your lover’s talk or spanking. Comes with panties. Awesome!

Read our resident sexologist Dr Ava’s related health advice and picks below:

Today you can get sex toys made out of realistic jelly rubber, silicone and elastomer, a hypoallergenic material most suitable for people with allergic reactions or chemical sensitivities.  Most sex toys are porous so you should clean them properly with mild soap and water after each use.  It is possible to transmit infections on sex toys so never share them with anyone unless they use a condom on the toy.  And never use a toy anally and then vaginally without using a condom to prevent transmission of bacteria.

Some of my favorite sex toys are:

The Pocket Rocket, The number one selling vibrator in America because of its non-phallic appearance and it's effectiveness in enabling women to have intense clitoral orgasms.

The Screaming O, a vibrating penis pleasure ring that helps to keep a man erect while stimulating the woman's clitoris resulting in simultaneous orgasms.  The battery lasts for 30 minutes and it's disposable.

The TriGasm, invented by yours truly to stimulate three points of pleasure at the same time: the clitoris, G-spot, and anus and the result is the most body-melting, earth-shattering orgasm imaginable.

Anyone who’s been in a long-term relationship knows that it takes effort to keep up a steamy sex life with a monogamous partner. Even if you like the routine you’ve both grown accustomed to, it’s still a routine, and routines get boring.

How did this happen? Have your libidos vanished? No, they haven’t. Not by a long shot. You still get turned on, he still gets turned on. The key is to figure out how to co-ordinate your desires and put some excitement back in your sex lives. You’d like things to go back to the way they were when you first got married and couldn’t keep your hands off each other, but back then there was mystery – now you watch each other floss and brush.

Take solace in the fact that familiarity doesn’t need to equal defeat in the bedroom. There are many things you can do to spice things up, starting with a change of scenery.

The Travel Element

Sometimes it’s difficult to pull a new move out of your pocket on a regular Sunday sex night. That’s where travel comes in. Plan a trip somewhere and bring your new sexy ideas along with you. Whether you have a long-planned European vacation coming up, or you’re booking a spontaneous weekend away in the country, a new location is a powerful aphrodisiac.

Being somewhere new allows you to reinvent yourselves as a couple. At home you always bring a novel to bed wearing your same old robe, lying on the same side of the bed. But at the country bed and breakfast you can switch things up without feeling self-conscious - your routine is already disrupted. What’s the big deal if you want to roll around naked on the bed?

It’s the perfect time to pull out those new moves, when spontaneity and unpredictability are in the air. And what are your new moves? Here’s a few ideas to get you started.

Lights on or off

Whatever your usual routine, ‘switch’ it up. If you usually make love with the lights on, watching each other’s expressions, try turning the lights out instead. You’re guaranteed to find the ‘stranger in the dark’ element a turn-on if it’s a break from the norm. Likewise if you usually opt for darkness, switch the lights on instead. Tip: bring a scarf to drape over the hotel lamp in case it’s a little too bright. And don’t use the overhead lights. You want to see each other, not perform surgery.

Unexpected Kiss

As any sex expert will tell you, kissing is the gateway to great sex. If you get the kiss right, the passionate mood is set, and will light a fire under your lovemaking. Think about the way you and your partner initiate sex. When do you kiss? Do you wait until you’re already on the bed, having decided to have sex? Do you kiss at the bedroom door? Upset your routine while you’re on the road, then bringing that spontaneity back to your home will be much easier.
Try spontaneous kisses throughout the evening when you’re out walking around the streets of a new city or small town. Establishing a fun-loving attitude about kissing takes the pressure off it always leading to sex, and brings you closer romantically. Then once you’re both feeling more relaxed about being together and showing your affection, great sex will inevitably follow.

Admit Your Fantasies

Sometimes we get lost in the fantasy worlds that turn us on, and we never let our partner in on it. This is a tragic mistake in a relationship. Communication is the best tool we’ve got for staying close with each other, and that goes double for sexual closeness. It’s so easy to pretend that our sexual fantasies aren’t important to the relationship, when the opposite is true. Telling your lover exactly what turns you on is a liberating experience that will reap huge rewards almost immediately. Once you get past the shyness, it will be a challenge to live out your desires together. And what better time to experiment living out your sexual fantasies than when you’re both on vacation?

Bring a Toy

Create a playful atmosphere by introducing a sex toy or two into the bedroom. If you’ve never used them before together, try bringing it up in a fun way, asking your partner if he’s every thought about using toys. Bring out a vibrator and turn it on to initiate the play, then take off your clothes and learn how to use it together. Tip: remember to buy the correct accompanying lubricant, and read all instructions. Even if you just end up giggling about it half the night, you’ve become more intimate with your laughter.

It’s not easy to break a routine. If it were, then long-term couples wouldn’t suffer from waning sex lives. But just because you’ve been together for a long time, doesn’t mean there isn’t some mystery left to uncover. You may think you know everything about your partner, but if you try to achieve a new level of intimacy together, you just might be able restore that thrilling feeling you had when you first met.