By Lady Cheeky
Ahhh January - the crisp, bracing air, the relief that the holidays are behind us and the optimistic promise of a whole new year ahead. Each January my friends, colleagues and nosy grocery store clerks ask me the dreaded question “have you made any New Year’s resolution’s?” My reply is always the same one I give for anyone asking me my age “Fine thank you”. The confused look on their faces never ceases to amuse me as I slink away; proud I’ve escaped answering that question yet again.
I’m not a big fan of New Year’s resolutions. I’ve always been an immediate gratification gal and didn’t make the yearly over-promise because it always seemed too high aiming and unachievable in a satisfying amount of time … at least for this impatient writer.
Yet, I can’t deny there is some wisdom in making a resolution and sticking to it. The discipline and drive to commit to an immediate improving of one’s condition is a great way to ameliorate our well-being and over-all health.
This year, I was going to take that principle to heart. I was determined to improve one thing in my life pronto and I knew exactly what that was. In the past few months I had become all too aware that my sex life had started to take the back burner to other parts of my life. After my divorce a few years ago, I had vowed never to let my sex life suffer again. That was it. No more sitting around. It’s 2013 I am going to improve my sexual attitude. But where to start?
Meditate: Figure Out The Basic Need That's Not Being Met
On New Year’s Day, I turned off all electronic devices (gasp!) and began to search my soul for the answer I knew was buried. How could I re-energize my sex life? Frustrated, I picked up one of my favorite books on sexuality, Women’s Anatomy of Arousal by Sheri Winston. Bingo. Sheri never disappoints. All I had to do was read these lines under the heading Whole Sex – Macro to Micro:
“Your sexuality is about your connection to everyone and everything around you … you are a sexual being not a sexual ‘doing.’ Sex is not just something you do – it’s a fundamental and inseparable part of who you are.”
This really resonated with me. My lack of importance placed on sex recently was the loss of focus on how it makes me feel when I’m connected to my sexual self. When I’m having great sex my senses are more astute, my mood is elevated and my interaction with others is more positive and engaging. I missed all those feelings and wanted them back.
Enumerate: Identify Three Ways To Achieve Your New Goal
I love to make lists, but I can get carried away and end up overwhelming myself with steps and procedures to follow. So, I kept it simple and allowed myself three things to do to change my sexual attitude. For me, the best first step is to research. Researching always gets me excited about my topic and it’s a way my inner “know-it-all” gets exercised. In my fact-finding mission I came up with three ways to encourage my sexual attitude to grow and become more diverse. My personal list is made up of A) something I’ve wanted to learn, B) something I’ve wanted to become better at and C) something I’ve been putting off. I came up with: learning Orgasmic Meditation, become better at the art of lingam (penis) massage and a resolution to acquire a new, like-minded lover to practice with. Great! I had my list, now I had to take the leap and start the journey.
Participate: Take The Quickest Action To Achieve One Of Your Goals
This is perhaps the most challenging part of change, the actual dirty work (pardon the pun). However, the most important aspect of this last step is not to delay. I resolved to tackle my chosen first step immediately. If I didn’t engage myself posthaste, chances were I’d keep putting it off. When I found a local Orgasmic Meditation group on Meetup.com, I signed up for my first introduction that same week. Just taking that first step excited and inspired me to investigate other ways to encourage my inner sex goddess to express herself again. I found my desire to pick up the Anais Nin book I had put down and was suddenly inspired to write more erotica.
The most surprising aspect of these three steps was that it immediately opened up my sensuality again. I had a familiar sway to my step and lilt to my voice just from acknowledging and welcoming it back into the fold. I truly believe this small but powerful master-stroke toward changing my sexual attitude right away on New Year’s Day, opened me up to attract more like-minded partners and friends – people who support my new attitude and foster its growth.
I’m only eleven days into the re-invigorating of my sybaritic soul, but so far I’m very glad I actually made and followed through with a resolution this year. Now, if people ask me if I’ve made any New Year’s resolutions, I won’t confuse them with a flippant remark, I’ll intrigue them with the answer “I’m changing my sexual attitude!” as I skip off to practice Orgasmic Meditation, lingam massage or make-out with a new lover.
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By Lady Cheeky
Valentine’s Day. It can strike fear into the heart of any poor soul looking for a new way to show their paramour they love him/her. With the gentrification of a day meant for passion, it’s easy to get inured to the message. But fear not! I bring good news! This is the best day of the year to get creative with new escapades in the boudoir! What better excuse to turn on your inner sex-kitten and strut your way to a purrrrrfect late night love tryst! The following are a few suggestions on how to make your man beg for more of your catnip.
It doesn’t make you the Marquis de Sade if you slap on a harmless little blindfold. When you take away his ability to see, you take away his expectation of what’s (echem) coming next, which heightens the rest of his senses like his sense of touch. After he’s blindfolded, let him know that only you are allowed to touch and that he needs to keep his hands to himself … for now. Begin by lightly and ever so slowly grazing your fingers over the parts of his body that seldom get attention. Great erogenous zones for men happen to be; the base of his neck about an inch in and over his collarbone. He’ll squirm when you brush the slightest suggestion of your finger (or your tongue) over this spot. Next, the legs … there’s a spot on each inner thigh that is extremely sensitive on most men. You can usually detect it by a symmetrical oval hairless patch about six to eight inches up from his knee. The tip of your tongue is your best bet here, while you use your fingers on the identical spot on the opposite leg. Since you’re down there anyway (noooo, THAT comes later … literally!), stroke the backs of his knees the same way. The key to this tactile ride is for your touch to be light and slow with a dash of the unexpected as you explore the other, shall we say, more “familiar” body parts. Think of this as a lovely “amuse bouche” to the main course of what’s coming next. He’ll barely be able to hold still!
It’s A Porn, Porn, Porn, Porn World
It’s the eternal question; is porn art? My answer? Who cares? It gets the job done and I, for one, LOVE IT. I also don’t know a man alive who at doesn’t, at least, view it occasionally. Whether you are a connoisseur, a regular viewer or a sporadic patron, you cannot deny it’s lustful affect. And, there’s nothing sexier to a man (or a woman) than when he can enjoy porn with his partner (with a little groping under the covers for good measure). Granted, some sex flicks can be pretty explicit and may not be your cup of tea. In this case, I suggest the burgeoning cottage industry of “couples porn”. Couples porn is softer and more affectionate … love-making, if you will. More passion and less fuck for your buck. Your man will get off on the mechanics and the visual and you will get off on the connection and desire while the couple on the screen fornicates for your pleasure. What could be more perfect? Suggestions? I thought you’d never ask: Camille Crimson’s www.artoftheblowjob.com and www.pornographiclove.com are a great place to start. Thank me later.
You don’t need to be a yoga master or a seer to partake of the sensual gifts the eastern philosophies have given us. We’ve all heard of Tantra, but have you ever heard of a Lingam Massage? Lingam is defined by Dictionary.com as: A symbol of divine generative energy, esp. a phallus or phallic object worshiped as a symbol of Shiva. So, basically … a penis. Massaging a man’s penis is a skill that can be learned with minimal effort with a great instructional website or dvd. I highly recommend Jaiya’s Red Hot Touch series: www.redhottouch.com. Jaiya is a highly respected sex educator and author and her DVD’s and website are a fantastic education. The corresponding massage for women is called a Yoni massage. Yoni is defined as A stylized representation of a vulva worshiped as a symbol of a goddess or Shakti. In other words…a vagina. A Yoni massage is an incredible sensory adventure that he can learn as well (an instructional video for that is also available through Jaiya’s site). I have personally given Lingam massages and received Yoni massages and they have been some of the most intimate and sexually satisfying experiences I’ve had. So set the mood with candles, ambient music and a great lube (something that won’t dry out easily, like silicone based or a natural oil like coconut oil will be needed (keep in mind that oil of any sort is incompatible with latex and should not be used with diaphragms or condoms.)
At the end of the day, Valentine’s Day that is, it’s about showing your love and hopefully getting closer with your partner. Sexual abandon is all about being open and building trust so … as always, stay true to yourself when trying something new and set your intention to have an earth-shaking night. Whether you’ve been together 30 years or 30 minutes, any of these sexy scenarios will help bring a smile to your face and that of your lucky partner.
- Total Body Workouts For Spring - KendraWilkinson.com
- Top 10 Sex Positions - She Knows
- 10 Celeb-Inspired Activities To Usher In Springtime - Betty Confidential
- Is Lack Of Sleep Getting In The Way Of Your Relationship? - Your Tango
- When Your Tastes Clash: How To Design & Decorate As A Couple - Casa Sugar
- Hitched: 7 Things I Regret About Our Wedding - The Frisky
- 5 Ways To Have A Hotter Sex Life - Huffington Post
- He Dumped Me & We Work Together! - Tres Sugar
Josey Vogels is the author of two syndicated sex and relationships columns -- My Messy Bedroom & Dating Girl. She has written five books on sex and relationships, including her most recent, Bedside Manners: Sex Etiquette Made Easy. Her sixth book will be published in Spring 2011.
A popular radio and TV host, Josey’s fresh and frank take on matters of the heart have made her Canada’s most popular sexpert.
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