Do you feel like you’re a good lover? In some ways we all think that we make our partner happy, but what would happen if someone asked our partner, or one of our ex’s? Would they tell a different story? I don’t want to burst your bubble, but you may not be the superstar you think you are. And you can always learn new skills to please your partner.
When people find out I’m a relationship coach and a master sexpert, their first response is to tell me that they are great in bed. But in truth, there is always something new to learn or something new to try.
But instead of dwelling on what’s wrong, let’s approach this from a positive perspective. Let’s talk about things you should do to be that sex goddess your partner wants... and by the way, it’s very likely to help you enjoy sex more too!
Step One – Be Open to Learning and Trying New Things
Even if you know your partner loves the things you do to them sexually, never settle for the same old thing. Try new things and take the initiative with your partner. It is great to ask if he would like to do something new or a bit different, but if you want to suggest something very different from your norm – make sure you ask your partner before things get steamy. There is less pressure if you’re not in bed naked when you offer a suggestion.
Step Two – Communicate With Your Partner
If you’re on the couch watching TV or talking, start a conversation about something new you would like to try. There are many articles on this site that give advice on how to improve your sex life and you can check out my radio show “Ready for Love” Radio for more information. On each show, I give a Master Sexpert tip and a Love Work assignment, along with all kinds of suggestions throughout the show. (http://lovecoachjourney.com/ready-for-love-radio/) When you talk to your partner about what you want – be specific. And if you talk erotically, he’ll love it.
Step Three – Get In Touch With Your Sexuality
Many women of all ages were raised to believe they shouldn’t think about or be in touch with their own sexuality. Gasp – I know this will get me in trouble with a large number of people, but that is a crock. If you think some man will show you what you need to know – you will likely be disappointed. Chances are that he doesn’t understand a woman’s sexuality either.
Ladies, when you don’t understand your body and what turns you on, it is impossible to help your partner please you. He will do the things he thinks you like – and he likely learned this from other guys, porn or some other less than reliable source. When you understand and take charge of your sexuality, you can help your man know how to please you. Most of the men I’ve asked – love it when a woman is comfortable with and in touch with her sexuality.
Step Four – Know What You Want and Tell Your Partner
While I’m shocking you – let’s take it a step further. The best way to learn about your sexuality is to explore your own body. Shocking! Yes ladies, masturbation and self-love are great ways to learn what you enjoy. Whether it includes looking at your whole body in the mirror or in the shower, exploring all of your body with your hands or experimenting with lube and sex toys, you can learn invaluable information about the things that turn you on. Once you understand, you can tell your man or for a hotter response, use your hands and show him what you want. Getting in touch with your sexuality can be very empowering and satisfying for you and your partner. However, when you let partner know what you want – never complain and always keep the conversation positive to get the most satisfying results for both of you.
Step Five – You Don’t Need to Know It All
No one knows everything about love, relationships, intimacy and sex. But, you can keep an open mind; use open, honest and positive communication with your partner; and reach out to your partner, be honest and try new things that you want to do. These are great ways to learn more and also to keep your love and sex life interesting for you and your partner. It isn’t good to get into a rut in any part of your life including your sex life.
You also have the option of seeing a relationship coach or a certified sexpert who can help you evaluate what sort of help you need and to give you the tools to improve or spice up your relationship. It is important to check the credentials of any coach before working with them and many coaches work in specific niches, so you want to find one that can help you and has a style that works for you.
Step Six – Sometimes Words Aren’t the Best Way to Communicate
Along with telling your man what you want and how you want it – you can also show him what you want. If he’s not touching you the way you want, reach for his hand and guide him where you want him to touch. This also works very well when he’s giving you oral sex – grab his head in your hands and show him what you like and how much you like what he’s doing. Sure words work, but let your sighs and moans do the talking for you and get your whole body involved in the sensual conversation.
Step Seven – Keep it Fun
Make time in your relationship for fun and for sexy play. Life is serious and we all have work, home, family, financial and other responsibilities, but make the effort to carve out time with your partner. Spend time focusing on the two of you and keeping your relationship interesting, fun and sexy. Along with keeping it fun, show initiative and enthusiasm with your partner. We all love to know we’re wanted and desired – let your man know you want him and take the time to show him just how much. Believe me, he will return the favor.
Step Eight – Be Comfortable With Yourself and Give in to the Passion
Everyone has something about their body or themselves that they would like to change. But, leave that concern at the door when you spend time with your partner. The less you worry about your legs, your butt or those little wrinkles around your eyes – the less he will care. Put steps one through seven into play and he will be way too busy to care about the flaws that you may worry about. Do your best to love yourself, be confident – confidence is very sexy. Last but not least – when you are spending hot, steamy and sexy time with your partner, don’t hold back. When you feel the passion building – maybe starting at your toes and working higher and higher… give in to the passion and go with the pleasure. Men love to see their woman reaching the brink of orgasmic pleasure and giving in when they can’t wait one minute more… you will love it too.
Nikki Leigh is an award winning author, a Love and Relationship Coach and a Master Sexpert. Her coaching website is http://www.lovecoachjourney.com and she’s the host of Ready for Love Radio. In recent shows she discussed many of the topics in this post. The show archives can be found at http://www.webtalkradio.net/ready-for-love