By: Miko Technogeisha

We have a tendency during April’s STD Awareness Month to focus on youth. This is very important since most young people may learn about “the birds and the bees” but aren’t told everything. They go into their first sexual encounters just knowing the STDs can happen and not know how to prevent them. Many don’t know anything at all about them. While we need to inform them of what is out there and teach them safer sex practices, we also can’t ignore other age groups.

When we get to older adults, middle age and up, we have a tendency to think the job is done. They’ve been in relationships and had sex, so how could they not know what to do. Recent studies have shown that we are ignoring a group of individuals that needs to be addressed.  If half of those infected with an STD or STI are 15-24 year olds, it means the other half are people entering or well into middle age. The number of those infected in the 25-45 (and 45+) has doubled in the past decade. There are number of theories as to why this occurs.

Men and women entering middle age find they are not always still in long term monogamous relationships. Divorce, death of a spouse, cheating and ethically opening up relationships take people out of the relative safe ground of long term relationships. Divorce or losing a spouse means being newly single and dating again. After being in a long-term relationship, many forget some of the important information they were told when they started out. There is also a chance, if they are of a certain age, that they never learned them to begin with. I’ve heard tales of the newly dating not using condoms if birth control is in use. Some are choosing not disclose their STDs to new partners then not using protection. At the same time, cheating spouses may not use protection then, in fear of their infidelity being revealed, do not reveal this to their spouse. 

People are also continuing to be more sexually active as they get older. With medication to help with erectile dysfunction, more men can be sexually active at an older age. This is wonderful for older women too! Older adults are finding they are enjoying sex more often as they get older. They also no longer think just because they’ve entered or past middle age they need to be content with failing libidos. The importance of satisfying sex at any age has helped people find new ways to jump start their sex drives and get past physical problems that arise with age. 

Studies are finding that while people’s attitudes about sex may be changing as they get older, they are not finding it any easier to talk about it. Open communication is not always easy if you’ve lived most of your life in a culture that doesn’t want to talk openly about sex, much less STDs. Most of us in middle age (yes, I am firmly ensconced there) got the scary talk in middle school, along with the even more frightening slide show, but that was the last we talked about it. Other than sharing titillating stories with friends over drinks, we don’t have informative conversations about sex. We have our school based education and the talk from Mom and Dad before we become sexually active as teenagers but not later in our adult life. Who is there to have the safe sex talk for the 35+?

This makes it vitally important that we continue to educate ourselves about safer sex, even as we get older. It is not entirely in the realm of youth. During STD awareness month, groups should not only target schools, colleges and young “twentysomethings” but all ages. I’d like to think education is something we can hold people accountable for but sometimes they need the necessary tools to get informed. Someone who has not had sex with anyone other their original partner for most of their lives may not think to go out and find this information. Thankfully this age group is starting to become less ignored as the statics start to show their increased susceptibility to infection.

A great way to prevent the increase of infection is to promote the importance of talking openly and honestly about sex. I don’t mean in an erotic manner but in a “This is a part of life.” kind of way.  If we normalize sex and take away the embarrassment more people will be willing to talk about issues important to them. This would make older adults more open with their doctors or at least help them to ask questions when they need to. We also should be aware that changes in the body as we get older might increase the ability to contract STDs more easily. The importance of testing should include all age groups.

Safer sex practices are something we should all be comfortable talking about. Learning about the newest toy or how to experiment with new techniques is wonderful. I think it’s great that progressive sex shops and at-home parties are making this more accessible. Learning that sex is just as enjoyable with a condom and oral barriers is also very important. There are techniques to make oral sex safer while still remaining very sexy and pleasurable. You’re never too old to learn new tricks. And never too old to learn was to stay safe and healthy. 

The CDC, Planned Parenthood and other organizations can help. Lets do what we can as a community to get these numbers down. Get the word out and if you or someone you know is sexually active in their later years, encourage them to get informed and get tested. Safer sex is sexy!

You may also like:

Coming Clean

Do I Have To Tell My Partner I Have HPV?

Tough Calls: STD Protocol

Technogeisha was initially just content to be a voyeur in a virtual world. To her surprise she found an amazing array of people who inspired her to open up personally, creatively and sexually. No longer the voyeur, she is now using a passion for writing and research to explore sexuality, psychology, sociology, science, education and culture. She writes and is Managing Editor for lifeontheswingset.com and has contributed to Sexis Social at edenfantasies.com, sexlovejoy.com, mindchaotica.com and silencecupcake.info. She can be found on Facebook as Miko Technogeisha but mostly lives on Twitter as  @Technogeisha.

By Dr. Dennis Neder

In the last two articles Common Problems Men Face With Women and Common Problems Men Face With Women Part 2 we explored a few of the most common problems men face with women and some general ways to deal with them. Now, let’s look at some tools you’ll need along the way.

Why Men Have These Problems #1 – Communication

“Common” thought says that men don’t communicate as well as women. I don’t agree. Men just communicate differently than women. A study was released recently that examined the parts of the brain that people use to communicate. Without going into all of the specifics, it found that men use only half the brain area to communicate than women use. The immediate assumption is that men are only half as capable at communication. However, the researcher said that no, this may very well mean that men only need to use ½ the area needed by women!

Our species has been on this planet for about 1.6 million years. That’s a long time to evolve. For a very, very large portion of that time, we’ve lived in tribal communities. Imagine men in these communities going out on a hunt. When someone saw a tasty-looking animal, he couldn’t just yell out, “Hey Bob – over here!” So, men developed much more intuitive, non-verbal ways of communicating. It seems that men are actually highly evolved communicators but we don’t rely solely on verbal skills.

When men have problems with women, the first thing women want to do is “talk them out.” Verbal skills are well developed in women so they naturally tend to want to use them. They often want us to get into verbal battles with them and for the most part we aren’t as prepared as they are. So, what do we do? In an attempt to handle the situation, we either over-commit, or we lie – all in an attempt to get out of the communication hole we’ve dug. And, women are notoriously good at giving us these opportunities.

Why Men Have These Problems #2 – “The Test”

Women are fully aware of men’s problems with communication. Think not? Read any women’s magazine – they’re chock-full of information about this! This understanding leads to a little event I call “The Test.” The test is a situation (often manufactured) that puts the relationship, and more directly, YOU in a position where you have to act. Not acting (or acting incorrectly) will lead to humiliation, loss of affection or intimacy, looking bad in front of your friends, family, co-workers, etc., or even loss of the relationship!

The test has become so prevalent in our society that it almost always goes unnoticed for what it is. Next time you’re watching a movie or a TV sitcom and you see a male character running around “assholes and elbows” trying to handle something created by his love-interest, you’re probably seeing a test!

Why would women actually create relationship problems? This seems ridiculous to most men. After all, how would you feel if one of your buddies tried to create problems between you two to see how you’d handle it? You’d just laugh at him! Women, on the other hand, have learned to test their men because women want to be with men that are able to pass tests!

Men don’t often admit it, but they know that women control many aspects of the relationship. For example, they decide when you’ll first have sex. They’ll also decide IF you’ll have sex! Men are ready to jump on just about anything. Women have evolved to be more discerning. Thus, along with basic physical, emotional and financial characteristics you must meet, to be truly successful, you must also be able to pass women’s tests.

What Are Tests?

Tests are not problems for you to solve, although they seem that way at first. In fact, to pass a test, you shouldn’t try to solve anything. Tests are about how you react, not about your reaction! Men often react to tests by getting mad, confused, or just giving in. If you do any of these, you’ll either get more tests, or she’ll view you as a loser. Either way, you’ll have failed her test.

Women want men they can look up to and rely on. If you have a good self-esteem and present a strong, confidant “male” image, you’re well along the way to passing her tests. In fact, this is really what the test is all about. It’s about proving you’re the man she hopes you are!

Men are confused about what women want today. I constantly hear men asking things like, “Should I be sensitive?”, “Should I be emotional?”, “Is it ok to cry?” As well, I hear women screaming that they want their men to be men. It’s no wonder that men are confused.

Rules For Handling Tests

As we’ve already seen in the last two parts, there are many problems men can have with women (ok – to be fair, there are many problems women can have with men too!). They take on so many forms that it’s impossible to discuss every one of them. In my books, “Being a Man in a Woman’s World I, II and III,” I cover many of the more common problems, but here is a guide you can use that covers most of them:

Recognize Your Strengths And Weaknesses

Why is she dating you, or married to you? There must be something that she finds appealing. These are probably your masculine traits. If you’re not sure, why not ask her? Focus on your strengths (in her eyes) and always fall back on them when you’re in a bind.

Decide, Up Front, What You Want From Your Relationships

And resolve absolutely that you will not accept anything else! This is a powerful stance and greatly eases the burden of tests and any other general craziness! Remember, you have the right to expect basic courtesy, consideration and respect from your lover, (as does she from you). Deciding not to tolerate a lack of any of these things is critical.

Pay Attention To Things!

Many problems arise from not being aware of what’s going on with her. Of course, you can’t keep track of her every mood-swing, but you can establish a pattern. This will be very useful later!

Have A Plan

Many tests come when we aren’t ready for them. For example, you’re just getting ready to walk into the theatre and she asks, “Where’s our relationship going?”. You know damn well (as does she!) that you can’t address this properly in the short time from the line to your seats. She is hoping to get you to commit beyond your current willingness to do so. What do you do? Have a plan!

Be ready for these types of assaults and tell her, “Honey, we can’t possibly deal with this now. We’ll talk about it later.” Then, you actually have to be ready to handle it – don’t let it slide, or you’ll be in for more problems. Take some time to actually decide what you want. Then, bring it up before she gets the next chance. This way, not only is she not prepared, but you’ve thought it out and actually have an answer!

Through talking to many, many readers, I have found that women tend to be ready move the relationship forward sooner than men (commitment, monogamy, moving in together, marriage, children, etc.) If you’re not ready for this, be prepared with something like, “Honey, if you want to get married right now, I’m sure you can find someone that will marry you. On the other hand, if you want to be with someone of value like me, you’re going to have to wait awhile. The choice is yours.” She’ll get the picture.

By the way, this also works for women being pressured by men!

Understand, Recognize And Be Prepared For The Test

When a situation arises where you feel confused, angry, or “off-balance,” ask yourself if this behavior is normal for her. If she’s a little nutty, she may just be having an “episode.” On the other hand, she may be trying to test you. The first step is recognizing and discerning the event for what it is.

Establish “Posture”

You’ve already decided that you won’t accept disrespect or discourtesy. Next, decide that you’ll remain calm. Take a moment to think through the situation and find the most powerful position you can take at that moment without having to concede to her game. Then, take it!

No Violence Under Any Circumstance!

There is no excuse whatsoever for violence on your part, or on hers. Decide right now, that you’ll neither inflict, nor accept violence in any form – emotional or physical. Period. Violence is a loud signal of a severe emotional problem. If either of you are violent, seek immediate, professional help. No excuses.

Don’t Get Angry!

Getting angry causes you to be off-balance. This is difficult enough a situation without being able to respond appropriately. Remain calm, think through the situation and deal with it from a point of strength.

Remember, many tests are designed to get you angry. For example, you’re watching the game with your buddies and she shows up unexpectedly, when she clearly wasn’t invited. When you send her away, she’s going to get angry and try to provoke you into anger. Don’t worry – this is part of the test! She’ll probably also ask your friends to “vote” on her staying. Stop this and calmly tell her, “no, I won’t put my friends in the middle of this, and neither will you.” Then, ask her to leave and tell her you’ll talk about it later. She’ll find new respect for you calmly dealing with it (and so will your friends).

Put The Issue Back In Her Lap

Make her next move the deciding one. If you’re not willing to play, she’ll have to go it alone. Further, she’ll have to find more appropriate ways of dealing with you and your relationship.

Is All This Worth It?

Yes, absolutely it is, but it ultimately it depends on your goals. If you want deep, loving, and committed relationships with women, you’re going to have to understand how they think and act. If your goal is just to bang it out with a new woman every week, you probably aren’t going to need these skills. The choice is yours.

Some women resent hearing about the test. However, many, many more have written me to say that they agree with my interpretation. Why would they do this? Because first, they know that this goes on, but second, they recognize that strong, involved men make better partners!

Remember, as with handling most relationship problems, planning, being calm, and thinking things through rather than just reacting will help get you through it with your skin intact. Further, if done right, you shouldn’t have to pass any more tests!

You may also like:

Common Problems Men Face With Women Part 2

Common Problems Men Face With Women

Dating Accountability

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Have a love, dating, sex or relationship question? You can write to me or get more information about “Being a Man in a Woman’s World tm” by going to: http://BeingAMan.com. Follow me on Facebook (http://tinyurl.com/cas4w9) and Twitter (http://tinyurl.com/d3pecs).
Copyright (c) 2013, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.

By Kathryn Winslow

You:  Honey, could you watch the kids in the bath while I flip the laundry?

Him:  I was just about to go for a run.

You:  I haven’t exercised in five years.  Do you want to watch the kids or flip the laundry.

Him:  I want to go for a run.

You:  Well, I want a supportive, contributing partner, but I guess we can’t always have what we want - so watch the kids while I go do my eighth load of laundry of the day!!! (followed by multiple expletives)

We have some variation of this ridiculous fight – just like all parents of young children do – way too often. This is not a rareified space set aside for parents only.  We had plenty of these fights pre-kids.  It’s a cycle that is universal in couples. Neither of you are getting your needs met and you are both resentful with a capital R.  So how to stop the cycle?

I’ve been told countless times that couples need to schedule time for ourselves.  Separately and together. Well, with kids, that is not in the budget quite as often as we would like it to be.  Other sage advice I have received suggests that you need to have clearly defined domestic roles…but c’mon – there’s a lot of spill-over and there is no way to define and divide all the tasks and chores and responsibilities that there are. You are going to sweat the small stuff  - that’s just the way it goes sometimes….but there is a way to stop most of those fights before they begin.  Really and truly.  Here’s the worst/best part:  you already know how.  You already know exactly what it is.  Drumroll please.  Are you ready?

Give your partner what you are missing.  Appreciation!  Gratitude!  Accolades!  Genuflection! 

I can feel you gagging. I gag before I tell my partner how grateful I am for everything he does when it is clear to me that I do EVERYTHING!!!  But if I can take small moments throughout the day to acknowledge all that he does, I have to admit…he does do some stuff.  Okay, a lot of stuff.  And without him doing that stuff, we’d be sunk.  So I tell him. I tell him he completes me and that I’d be lost without him and all sorts of wildly romantic things that I would love to hear…and sometimes he says them back. And we just say thank you to each other a lot. A lot. Like ten times a day. “Thank you”  goes a long way.

Admittedly, I suffer from “Be Like Me!” syndrome. If only he could multitask like me! If only he could see how many things need to be done around the house!  If only he were more like me! But something I’ve learned is that he is like me. He needs the same thing I do. Acknowledgment and appreciation. So try it.  Do it right now. Text your partner and thank them for something.  Anything.  Even if there is a massive imbalance in your relationship and they are not pulling their weight and you are bitter and resentful…wrack your brain for the sake of the experiment!  Find something to thank them for.  And then do it again tonight.  And again the next day.  Hopefully they’ll get the hint and start doing it back.  And then guess what?  I guarantee you will fight a lot less.  Or your money back.

You may also like:

What Are You Really Fighting About?

How To Ask Your Man For What You Want

How To Avoid Nitpicking

By Martin Brown

Our eating is triggered by different factors. For example, there are the signals we get from both the brain and the stomach that say, “Feed me!”

But as you know, hunger signaling can be a lot more complex than that.

In fact, we get all kinds of signals each day and they can be triggered by different urges.

There is nervous nibbling, which many of us do both in the office and at home. There is social eating, like the coffee and donuts provided in the office in the morning. You may, for example, have had a nutritionally satisfying breakfast that you completed less than an hour earlier, but you partake in this custom of morning office pastries anyway.

As you know, the triggers urging you to eat can go on and on, and cost us that extra two or three hundred calories, here and there, that at the end of the year has led to a weight gain of ten or more pounds.

At times all of us feel helpless to control that urge to eat a little more, have a second dessert, and most commonly to eat when we’re not hungry. The most important thing we can do to derail runaway eating is to become aware of our own eating patterns. After all, we have no hope of controlling any aspect of our lives if we are not aware of what we are doing.

Here are four simple rules to follow that will allow you to eat smarter and smaller.

Rule #1: Become Aware Of Your Appetite Triggers

Here’s a real life example: Many of us can’t resist those delicious Cinnabons sold in shopping malls around the country. The product was designed to tempt your urge for something sweet. You see it, smell it, and you have to have it. That was the reaction the product designers meant for you to have. Becoming aware of that pattern means planning on not passing that spot; or having an alternative treat ready. Recognizing when and where you’re susceptible during the day to over indulging will make a significant difference in your quest to stay satisfied, without experiencing significant weight gain.

Rule #2: Buy Smaller Plates, And Use Them

This is such an easy trick that you’ll wonder why you never thought to do it before. Our culture has a tradition of using large dinner plates and then filling those plates to overflowing. Show me a packed plate and I’ll show you a packed pair of slacks. Instead, fill your plate but opt for smaller dinner plates going, for example, from a ten or twelve-inch diameter, to an eight-inch plate. You’ll be amazed by the difference that can make on your weekly caloric intake. Four ounces of pasta, versus six, or eight, makes a big difference when it comes to your pants size.

Rule #3: Never Engage In Mindless Eating

Television and a bowl of anything is a great example of mindless eating in action. Add sugar packed soft drinks to the mix and you’ve got the easiest way to gain unwanted pounds.

Rule #4: Keep The Food You Know You Should Not Be Eating Out Of The House

This final rule is the most important one of all. When you get that urge for a bowl of super-rich Ben & Jerry’s ice cream after dinner, the odds are less than one out of ten that you’ll get in the car and drive back to the grocery store just to buy that item. About 80% of the calories we consume each year comes out of our own kitchen pantry. The easiest calories to consume are the ones that are just a few feet away from our living room, bedroom, or backyard deck.

Be mindful of the foods you bring into your house and you will have won more than half of the battle to slim down and stay slim.

You may also like:

Why You Should Stick To Your Grocery List

Why Picky Eaters Stay Thin

7 Easy Lessons For Losing Weight

By Ashley Manta

It was my turn. I could feel my hands shaking as I stepped up to the microphone. I looked out into a sea of hundreds of faces and opened my mouth to speak.

“I was raped when I was 13,” I began.

Oh my God I just said it out loud. The rest of it was a blur, I just remember the story pouring out of me, as if I had hit a pressure release valve. I was in a daze as I stepped off the podium and into the waiting arms of my sorority sisters. I did it. I said it out loud. I knew then that this was the beginning of something life changing.

It was April of 2005, the second semester of my freshmen year at St. Joseph’s University. The event was called “Take Back the Night” and it was held in the chapel, less than 100 yards from my dorm. The event was widely publicized on campus and all student groups were encouraged to attend, including the members of Alpha Omicron Pi, the sorority I’d recently helped colonize. I didn’t attend this event with the intention of speaking. I just wanted to support my sisters and support the survivors who stood up and spoke. I had no idea that I would be so moved by those speaking that I would find the inner strength to tell my own story.

“For over 35 years in the United States, Take Back The Night has focused on eliminating sexual violence, in all forms, and thousands of colleges, universities, women's centers, and rape crisis centers have sponsored events all over the country”(Take Back the Night Foundation, History). April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month, so Take Back the Night events are typically held in April. The symbolism of spring as a time of renewal and growth is not lost on the participants as they march through the crisp April air with their voices echoing into the sky. The typical format for a Take Back the Night event is a march followed by a speakout. The march allows survivors of sexual violence to come together and demonstrate their unity and commitment to break the silence. The speakout provides a safe space for survivors to tell their stories and reclaim their experiences. Counselors are present to ensure the mental and emotional safety of those attending, both speakers and supporters. By the end of the night, tears flow freely.

We live in a culture in which people are discouraged from talking about sexual violence. As a philosophy major, I frequently came across the “public sphere vs. private sphere” phenomenon. Nowhere is it more clearly illustrated than in looking at the issue of sexual violence. It’s an uncomfortable topic. We would like to believe that bad things don’t happen to good people. As a result, we create a culture in which victims are either blamed for “allowing themselves to be put in bad situations” or are shamed for being openly sexual beings who are “asking to be raped.” Society encourages silence because it’s easier than acknowledging the prevalence of sexual violence. Take Back the Night counters that paradigm by giving survivors an opportunity to tell their stories and break the silence. Only when survivors are given the opportunity to name their experience, either alone or in public, can the healing begin.

That night was the first time I had ever spoken the phrase “I was raped” out loud. I had alluded to it over the years, suggesting that my first foray into sexual experience was not actually my idea, but never came out and said those words. It was powerful. It was empowering. I felt like I had reclaimed a part of the person that was lost that day--March 2, 2000. I was in 8th grade. He was an acquaintance. We weren’t taught about acquaintance rape at my school. I didn’t have words to describe my experience at the time, so I simply said, “I had sex.” I was young and didn’t understand that what happened to me was not sex. It was an act of violence, an act of control. It doesn’t matter that there were no weapons. It doesn’t matter that my life wasn’t in danger. Someone I trusted took advantage of that trust and exerted his need for power and control over me. It has taken me a long time to come to terms with my rape, but that night in the chapel was the first step.

This year, I am proud to be on the planning committee for Philadelphia's Take Back the Night event. In many ways I feel like I have completed my circle of healing, from the beginning that April night in 2005 when I first told my story to now, 7 years later, helping to organize and provide space for others to tell their stories. I encourage everyone to attend a Take Back the Night event if possible. By speaking out, by validating my experience and finding my voice, I gave myself permission to heal—and that has made all the difference.

For more information on Take Back The Night visit: http://takebackthenight.org/

Learn more about Ashley Manta at www.ashleymanta.com

By Kellie Kamryn

As a single mom, working at home and raising my kids, I have little to no “me” time. I’m sure moms everywhere can relate, but carving out time for ourselves is imperative if we’re going to be there for those important people in our lives. I present to you ten ideas I put into practice that help me stay motivated when life and I go toe to toe.

1.    Exercise And Healthy Eating

As a romance writer and audiobook narrator, I spend a lot of time at my computer. As a former elite gymnast who based a series of romance novels around the sport I taught for twenty-five years, exercise and healthy eating are important to me.

Regular physical activity helps clear the mind and takes care of our physical body in order for us to be more productive. Exercise releases endorphins which help us maintain a positive frame of mind, plus we sleep better if regular exercise is a part of our daily routine. Find something you love to do, whether it’s ballroom dancing, an aquacize class, Pilates, Yoga, a run down the street, or a walk with a friend.

And remember, it’s important not to berate ourselves if we miss a workout. Sometimes our schedules and family demands take precedence. As long as we make an effort to stay healthy, we have to give ourselves kudos for that. Along with regular exercise, I also make it a priority to have healthy snacks near me at all times such as pre-cut veggies, nuts and fruit. Scheduling lunch or snack breaks throughout the day is also a great way to get my butt out of the chair, relax and ingest healthy food.

2.    Relaxation And Sleep

Interacting with my readers, writing, and/or narrating, I could be online twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week! But I also have kids who need me and have their own activities – soccer, school activities, and homework—that keep me on the run. Taking time out to relax is very important throughout the day as is getting a good night’s sleep.

One thing other mom’s always tell me is that they feel like they never get enough sleep. I try to stick to a bedtime routine much in the same way I do for my kids. At a specific time, I brush my teeth, change into my jammies, and wash up for bed. It relaxes me and allows me to wind down before getting some shut eye. And if this isn’t enough, I practice conscious breathing by closing my eyes and breathing in deep, picturing my lungs filling up with life-giving oxygen.

In fact, if I’m having a particularly busy day I’ll take time out to “breathe.” When we experience tense moments, our breathing can become shallow, which in turn means we’re not getting enough oxygen to our brains to be able to think straight. Taking a few moments to sit quietly, breath and relaxing the tension in my body helps me maintain a productive day.

3. Get Some Lovin'

If you’re thinking sex right now, go for it! It makes you feel good. ‘Nuff said. But that’s not what I’m talking about. Give and receive a hug. Cuddle with your kids. Sometimes a simple hand squeeze from a friend who cares makes us feel like we are understood. Human contact is necessary for us to feel alive. Don’t underestimate the power of simple touch in your life.

4.    Remember You Are More Than What You Do

As a mom, I’m guilty of putting others needs ahead of my own, especially when it comes to my kids. That’s when I have to remember to put myself first as a woman. When I need a break from the ordinary, I go to the movies, take the kids for lunch, shop, hit the spa, or visit with friends. Whatever you do, make sure it’s something enjoyable and remember - YOU are a whole person, and it’s important to take care of all parts of the whole.

5.    Learn

Whatever it is in your life you're striving to achieve, remember you can learn something from everyone. Even the most unlikely source may have something valuable to offer, and at some point down the road, we’ll be glad for this particular piece of knowledge. Attend conferences, take online classes, enroll in a class near you, or buy books on subjects that interest you. You’d be surprised what kinds of textbooks you can purchase for your Kindle, Nook, or Kobo!  Learning keeps our minds sharp, and refreshes us in our everyday lives.

6.    Laugh

Have you ever been down in the dumps and tried to remember the last time you had a good laugh? When I need smiles, I call my friends or go out with them if time allows. Perhaps find a sitcom that’s guaranteed to produce a few chuckles, but when they say “laughter is the best medicine,” it’s true! You can’t be sad when a belly laugh erupts from deep within.

7.    Be Open To The Experiences Of The Journey

Whether you want to write the next best-seller, are saving for a big trip, or are going for a major promotion at your work place, remember - enjoy the steps it takes to get there. Because once you've achieved your goal, then what? The next journey will begin, so you might as well enjoy the ride while you're on it.

8.    Throw A Pity Party, But Remember To Leave At Last Call

It's okay to feel discouraged sometimes. Negative emotions are a part of life, and we have to learn how to deal with them. Get angry, shed a few tears, scream into your pillow, or whatever else might make you feel better. I cry when I need to release stress, and I often hash things out with close friends. Do what works for you, but remember to let it go.

9.    Don't Give Up!

So many people give up when they meet a road block. Perhaps the road block is signifying a lesson to be learned. In any case, there's always a way around it, through it or over it! Having faith that things will work out in the best possible way for us can be difficult sometimes, but you’ll never know how far you could have gone if you simply give up.

10.    Keep Perspective

Sometimes we only see another person’s highlight reel. We all struggle in our own ways, so know you’re not alone. When you’re feeling unsuccessful, this is a good time to stop and remember that others have the same life difficulties that come with financial burdens, family, and illnesses, despite their professional successes. Take some time to be grateful for what you have and how far you’ve come. And remember—don’t give up!

What helps you stay motivated to follow your dreams? Kellie would like to hear from you. www.kelliekamryn.com Kellie presented this topic as an interactive workshop at the Moonlight and Magnolias Conference in October 2012.

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