By Josie Brown
School returns every September, but when it comes to teaching a guy what you want in bed, class is always in session.
Take care, however, and remember that men don’t like lectures (unless you’re playing the naughty school teacher) but they do welcome any and all information about what makes a woman hum with sexual satisfaction.
Here’s a quick passion primer:
Lead By Example
This is always the best approach. For instance, set the mood in the bedroom. Candles, music, some special yummies like strawberries and melted chocolate are always a smart start. A little wine and the sweet sexy words that you whisper in his ear will have him purring like a found kitten.
Talk Dirty To Him
Let him know all about your needs and desires. A woman’s body takes a little TLC to turn on and heat up, so don’t be afraid to speak up! Start by saying, “I love it when you do this...” or “It feels great when you do that...” This will cause him to instinctively rise to your suggestions.
Big hint: sexy suggestions are very different from giving over-heated demands. Even if you find yourself in a frenzy, remember that no man wants to get into bed with a sex kitten who transforms into a boot camp instructor. If you’re shouting “faster, slower, higher, or lower…” constantly, then chances are neither of you are having a good time.
Never Compare Your Partner To Another Guy
Don’t ever say something like, “You’re so much better than any guy I’ve been with..” Men take their sex very personally. They may act flattered, but in their feverish minds they quickly begin to wonder, “How many guys is she comparing me to, and when will I be replaced by the next guy coming up the ladder?” Simply let your body do the talking. Soft moans, loud groans - be natural!
Train Him Not To Roll Over And Play Dead After His Orgasm
Introduce him to little sex games that will continue to arouse his interest. Men stupidly assume that women function sexually in much the same way as they do. Of course, you know better, so show and show rather than show and tell. Rubbing, nibbling, licking demonstrates to him how you would like much the same.
Teach Him The Joy Of After-Sex Snuggling
Make it something that he loves by rewarding him with some special favors of your own. Show him a few places where his touch has a magical power over you and where the gentle lick of his tongue pleases you beyond his imaginings. Then do the same for him.
In truth, men live to please their mates. Oh sure, they love the feel of their own powerful orgasms. But you can move his focus above and beyond that momentary explosive release.
You can teach him to master the art of love.
It’s a course in which every man (whether they will ever admit it or not) is hoping to receive an “A.”
You may also like:
By Josey Vogels
We were enjoying one of those lazy Sunday mornings in bed when you just know you're gonna get some. It's just a matter of how. Suddenly, he jumped out of bed, "Got any playing cards?" he asked. "Uh, yeah, I think there's a deck lying around here somewhere."
He scurried butt naked from room to room while I shouted possible locations from the warmth of the bed, wondering if a Sunday-morning of Go Fish was really the mood I was after. He finally came back to bed, dollar-store playing cards in hand and, fanning out the cards, gave me the old, "Pick a card, any card." Six of hearts. "Oral or manual?" he asked. Then he handed me his watch. Six minutes of oral sex later, it was his turn. "Pick a card, any card." I smiled. Obviously, Go Fish had different rules where he grew up. I like his version way better. We had a wonderful morning.
The thing I loved about this particular game was that it made me feel completely relaxed and guilt-free about receiving one-sided pleasure for extended periods of time (especially given the hardest part of the game was keeping my eye on the clock). I was just following the rules, after all. It made me extremely focused about giving pleasure, too. Fun for everyone.
As far as I'm concerned, when it comes to sex, we could all stand to stop taking it so seriously and have some fun. And sex toys aren't the only things you can play with (besides each other) in bed. Playing games in bed brings out the kid in you.
When you think about it, most of us learned about sex through games. Anyone who played doctor as a kid can attest to this. We were a spin-the-bottle, strip-poker crowd where I come from. Truth or Dare always got pretty down and dirty too. As adults, there are lots of simple sexy games you bring to the bedroom. Ever tried having sex with a "no hands" rule, or an "only lips allowed" rule? A "no intercourse" rule once in a while is a an excellent way to shift focus.
There used to be this kit you could send away for when we were kids that had all you needed to set up your own backyard carnival to raise money for charity. My favorite game was one in which you sent kids blindfolded into a room and made them stick their hands in different bowls of food that were supposed to represent human remains. You know, grapes were eyeballs, spaghetti was guts, that kind of thing. What's this got to do with sex games, you ask? Well, you can adapt the same principal to the bedroom. Blindfold your partner, rub different foods over their body and make them guess what it is.
Another great side effect of playing games in bed is it loosens things up and puts you both more at ease, making you comfortable being naked together. In fact, if you want to enjoy a really simple game, get naked and play tag or hide 'n' seek. Stage your own private nude World Wrestling Federation tournament.
To get a little more creative, you could try writing an erotic story together - one of you writes one line, the other person adds the next:
1st person: "See Dick." 2nd person: "See Dick lick Jane." 1st person: "Come, Jane, Come!"
Or give your partner a list of words that he has to use in an erotic story.
"Okay honey, use the words lint, pork and flotsam in a sexy story."
Find an erotic story you like and act it out together. Or a non-erotic story and make it sexy. Ever try to imagine what happened after they found Goldilocks in Baby Bear's bed?
Test your amateur porn-video director skills and direct each other in your own porn video. Be sure to follow the director's instructions. Switch roles. It's an old standard but it still does the trick once in a while. If you're usually the girl, be the boy and vice versa.
You can buy commercial sex games as well. Most of them are based on the idea that you land on a space that tells you what to do or say to your partner. One game I saw called the More Foreplay Game is kind of cute and you can make your own version at home. Cut out four cardboard squares and get those doohickeys from an office-supply store that you stick through a cardboard arrow, then through the cardboard square to create a spinner (think Twister). Mark one card with body parts (nipple, penis, earlobe), another with the things you can do to that body part (lick, kiss, slap silly), another with the part of the body you'll use to do it (hand, butt cheek, nostril) and finally how you'll do it (tenderly, roughly). And spin away.
Even playing regular board games naked can be a riot. Snakes and Ladders will never be the same.
You can play games out of bed as well. If you're out playing pool you can place wagers that you have to settle when you get home. "I win, I get to tie you up tonight." On second thought, why wait till you get home? "I win, I do you in the bathroom of the bar." Or "I win, you go pantiless the rest of the night."
When it comes to games, there's really only one kind I strongly discourage at any time in your relationship, and that's head games. Otherwise, have fun!
By Nikki Leigh
We should start with the fact that most men are turned on by what they see. Men want to see images and women that turn them on. On the other hand, women usually are aroused and stimulated by what they hear and feel. I’m not saying that a gorgeous guy doesn’t turn a woman on, but just that for men, what you see is what you want. Let’s dig deeper into the things that turn men on and details about their fantasies.
Researchers Bruce J. Ellis and Donald Symons found that men are twice as likely to have sexual fantasies and to become sexually aroused by them than women. The men in the study also had more fantasies with a large number of different partners – while it was discovered that women normally fantasize about fewer different men. Men are estimated to have about 1,000 “objects of desire” in their lives. I’d be very interested to hear what men think about these results.
Most men – 88% – report switching partners during an individual fantasy. About half of the women – 57% – report switching partners in a single fantasy.
Both men and women include the faces of their partners in fantasies. Men typically want to see how the person looks, while women often want to see their appearance, but more importantly, how they are reacting through facial expressions.
These are some specific details about the sexual fantasies of many men – how do your fantasies compare?
• Men want more sexually explicit content
• Men want plenty of visual content to arouse them
• Men want to include things and people who are physically arousing
• Men will likely include physical details about appearance
• Male fantasies are about their “objects of desire”
• Men are likely to include specific sexual acts
• Men usually include a variety of multiple partners
• These multiple partners are often strangers or anonymous
Whether you’re the man or the person who loves the man – you should decide if you are willing to share his fantasies! Can you learn more about his fantasies, and share yours?
If you choose to share details about your fantasies, it is very important that you never make fun of each other’s fantasies. It’s also important to remember that these are likely to be things your partner will never do in real life – but it can be a great way to expand your love life. Be open and share your fantasies with each other in a positive way – and you could open up new possibilities in your intimate relationship!
You may also like: Female Fantasies
Do you feel like you’re a good lover? In some ways we all think that we make our partner happy, but what would happen if someone asked our partner, or one of our ex’s? Would they tell a different story? I don’t want to burst your bubble, but you may not be the superstar you think you are. And you can always learn new skills to please your partner.
When people find out I’m a relationship coach and a master sexpert, their first response is to tell me that they are great in bed. But in truth, there is always something new to learn or something new to try.
But instead of dwelling on what’s wrong, let’s approach this from a positive perspective. Let’s talk about things you should do to be that sex goddess your partner wants... and by the way, it’s very likely to help you enjoy sex more too!
Step One – Be Open to Learning and Trying New Things
Even if you know your partner loves the things you do to them sexually, never settle for the same old thing. Try new things and take the initiative with your partner. It is great to ask if he would like to do something new or a bit different, but if you want to suggest something very different from your norm – make sure you ask your partner before things get steamy. There is less pressure if you’re not in bed naked when you offer a suggestion.
Step Two – Communicate With Your Partner
If you’re on the couch watching TV or talking, start a conversation about something new you would like to try. There are many articles on this site that give advice on how to improve your sex life and you can check out my radio show “Ready for Love” Radio for more information. On each show, I give a Master Sexpert tip and a Love Work assignment, along with all kinds of suggestions throughout the show. (http://lovecoachjourney.com/ready-for-love-radio/) When you talk to your partner about what you want – be specific. And if you talk erotically, he’ll love it.
Step Three – Get In Touch With Your Sexuality
Many women of all ages were raised to believe they shouldn’t think about or be in touch with their own sexuality. Gasp – I know this will get me in trouble with a large number of people, but that is a crock. If you think some man will show you what you need to know – you will likely be disappointed. Chances are that he doesn’t understand a woman’s sexuality either.
Ladies, when you don’t understand your body and what turns you on, it is impossible to help your partner please you. He will do the things he thinks you like – and he likely learned this from other guys, porn or some other less than reliable source. When you understand and take charge of your sexuality, you can help your man know how to please you. Most of the men I’ve asked – love it when a woman is comfortable with and in touch with her sexuality.
Step Four – Know What You Want and Tell Your Partner
While I’m shocking you – let’s take it a step further. The best way to learn about your sexuality is to explore your own body. Shocking! Yes ladies, masturbation and self-love are great ways to learn what you enjoy. Whether it includes looking at your whole body in the mirror or in the shower, exploring all of your body with your hands or experimenting with lube and sex toys, you can learn invaluable information about the things that turn you on. Once you understand, you can tell your man or for a hotter response, use your hands and show him what you want. Getting in touch with your sexuality can be very empowering and satisfying for you and your partner. However, when you let partner know what you want – never complain and always keep the conversation positive to get the most satisfying results for both of you.
Step Five – You Don’t Need to Know It All
No one knows everything about love, relationships, intimacy and sex. But, you can keep an open mind; use open, honest and positive communication with your partner; and reach out to your partner, be honest and try new things that you want to do. These are great ways to learn more and also to keep your love and sex life interesting for you and your partner. It isn’t good to get into a rut in any part of your life including your sex life.
You also have the option of seeing a relationship coach or a certified sexpert who can help you evaluate what sort of help you need and to give you the tools to improve or spice up your relationship. It is important to check the credentials of any coach before working with them and many coaches work in specific niches, so you want to find one that can help you and has a style that works for you.
Step Six – Sometimes Words Aren’t the Best Way to Communicate
Along with telling your man what you want and how you want it – you can also show him what you want. If he’s not touching you the way you want, reach for his hand and guide him where you want him to touch. This also works very well when he’s giving you oral sex – grab his head in your hands and show him what you like and how much you like what he’s doing. Sure words work, but let your sighs and moans do the talking for you and get your whole body involved in the sensual conversation.
Step Seven – Keep it Fun
Make time in your relationship for fun and for sexy play. Life is serious and we all have work, home, family, financial and other responsibilities, but make the effort to carve out time with your partner. Spend time focusing on the two of you and keeping your relationship interesting, fun and sexy. Along with keeping it fun, show initiative and enthusiasm with your partner. We all love to know we’re wanted and desired – let your man know you want him and take the time to show him just how much. Believe me, he will return the favor.
Step Eight – Be Comfortable With Yourself and Give in to the Passion
Everyone has something about their body or themselves that they would like to change. But, leave that concern at the door when you spend time with your partner. The less you worry about your legs, your butt or those little wrinkles around your eyes – the less he will care. Put steps one through seven into play and he will be way too busy to care about the flaws that you may worry about. Do your best to love yourself, be confident – confidence is very sexy. Last but not least – when you are spending hot, steamy and sexy time with your partner, don’t hold back. When you feel the passion building – maybe starting at your toes and working higher and higher… give in to the passion and go with the pleasure. Men love to see their woman reaching the brink of orgasmic pleasure and giving in when they can’t wait one minute more… you will love it too.
Nikki Leigh is an award winning author, a Love and Relationship Coach and a Master Sexpert. Her coaching website is http://www.lovecoachjourney.com and she’s the host of Ready for Love Radio. In recent shows she discussed many of the topics in this post. The show archives can be found at http://www.webtalkradio.net/ready-for-love
I believe that regularly occurring and frequent sex will produce certain emotional and physical health benefits.
It has long been established that there are numerous health benefits related to sexual activity, an awareness that has been recorded in our culture for centuries in the form of such old wives’ tales as "use it or lose it." Just as if you don't use your household appliances regularly, they become rusty and break down.
Now you can tell your lover, spouse, significant other, or even yourself what you've hoped to hear for years! Not only is sex fun and exciting - it's healthy. "Sexercise" your body and see the benefits. Do it alone or with someone, but do it. Some of the same physical benefits you seek by working out at the gym are literally right at your fingertips.
Are you tired of waiting in line to use the barbells? Is the treadmill tearing up your kneecaps? Does that personal trainer show no mercy - no pain, no gain? Tone those muscles, improve your health, and give your body a boost with Dr. Ava's Sexercise Tips:
Tip 1: Change sexual positions to stimulate different muscles.
Tip 2: Exercise the muscles in your tongue by using it to write the alphabet or love letters on your lover's body.
Tip 3: Give your lover a sensuous massage to stimulate their skin, improve circulation, and help remove toxins. By enjoying ourselves sexually we can actually improve our bodies both physically and mentally. Did you know that during sex, the flow of blood throughout the body not only improves circulation but also eliminates headaches? The improved flow of blood along the spinal column to the brain that results from an orgasm may just be the right thing to get rid of that migraine. No more cliché excuses ladies! Men, the next time your partner says, "I've got a headache," you can say, "Good, let's make love and get rid of it." Even that heavy breathing with someone you love is healthy as you regulate and exercise your respiratory organs.
If you think you're overweight and need to lose a few pounds, there's no more fun way to do it than with increased sexual activity. It won't counteract the effects of overeating, but it does burn up calories and can also help turn fat into muscle more quickly than other forms of exercise; plus, working on that muscle tone is fun while having sex. The natural tensing of your muscles while engaging in sex can work on the shoulders, neck, biceps, thighs, abs, stomach, and buttocks. The relaxation that follows helps work as a natural sedative.
Tip 4: Pump up your love muscles and the world will look a whole lot brighter.
Men, your PC muscle (love muscle) is just under the penis. It's the same muscle that you use to stop the flow of urine. Squeeze it to prolong lovemaking and control orgasm.
Tip 5: Ladies, your love muscle is located between the anus and the vagina. Exercise your PC muscle to squeeze your lover's penis and increase erotic sensations.
Having trouble sleeping? Well, take Dr. Ava's advice. There is no better cure for insomnia than good sex. You feel so relaxed that it naturally leads you into a deep sleep - and guys, wrap your arms around your special someone. Help cuddle them off to dreamland. The opposite is also true, ladies. Imagine the magic of waking up in the morning by lovemaking at dawn. It gets both your hearts and minds racing and it's healthier than caffeine anytime.
The physical and emotional aspects of sex can, and do work together in improving self-esteem and adding to a sense of well-being. The unique sense of intimate connection with your lover cannot be duplicated by any other activity.
Believe it or not, sex can also work as a laxative, toning and controlling the lower abdominal muscles. The muscle relaxant post-orgasmic state has so many benefits that it can solve a host of problems, even constipation.
Tip 6: Stressed? What better cure than sex? If you're feeling tense, set aside some quiet time and shut out the deadlines and pressures, if only for a "quickie."
You will find that many of the symptoms of stress will disappear with a little loving. Not only will you feel a lot looser, you'll breathe better, and some of those other problems relating to stress - poor judgment, short temper, or a sense of helplessness, will begin to fade into oblivion.
Feeling good sexually is a natural high that helps make all those little problems of the day seem a little less important. So, the next time you need a little relief and there is no one else around, masturbation is as good an activity as people once considered it was bad. If you find yourself alone and without a partner, so what! We all occasionally find ourselves alone with time on our hands (pun intended). While my "sexercise prescriptions are a lot of fun for couples, use your most erotic organ (your brain) and all the same physical benefits I've mentioned can be yours alone.
Tip 7: Women have a multi-orgasmic capacity that may remain untapped without a little help from a "friend". Explore that elusive G-spot area and you might discover a longer, deeper, more powerful orgasm then you ever imagined. Also, an orgasm a day will keep menstrual cramps away by providing a natural decongestion, resulting in less of the pain that can be so...well, irritating.
Tip 8: Experiment when that live partner isn't around. This is the time to let your fantasies run rampant; use sex toys, erotic audio, or videos to stimulate your senses and heighten your arousal.
Since sexual fulfillment also involves your brain, it can improve your concentration and contribute greatly to your powers of imagination and creativity. If your work is getting you down, close your eyes and think about that ideal lover. I assure you, when you finish fantasizing, your mind and body will be ready to tackle the challenge that moments before seemed impossible.
Tip 9: Ladies, do you secretly fantasize about your special someone watching you do a striptease? Tell him. Men, do you have a fantasy where your girl friend or wife dominates you? Tell her! Are you curious about anal sex? Buy a butt plug and experiment. There is absolutely nothing too wild or unusual in sex, as long as it's between two consensual adults. Share your innermost thoughts and watch your relationship flourish.
Tip 10: Use the power of suggestion and role-playing to make your fantasies come true. If you trust each other implicitly, and love your partner with abandon, nothing will embolden your relationships more than the sharing of fantasies. What safer way for you single people to begin to share sexual intimacy than watching each other masturbate or helping each other to reach an orgasm without intercourse.
Tip 11: Learn to share your bodies without embarrassment and the trust that you develop for each other will be a solid foundation upon which to build a future together. The pleasure that comes from watching the love of your life reach his or her pinnacle of sexual satisfaction can be the most beautiful sight in the world.
Tip 12: The ultimate "sexercise" to practice with your lover may be Tantric sex. A sacred kind of love, Tantric sex helps you concentrate on both the healing and energizing effects of harmonious breathing. While making love in the lotus position, you breathe out as your lover breathes in, hypnotically relaxing, it aids in the exchange of yin and yang (male and female energy). If there is a better way of getting in touch with your masculine and feminine selves, I'd like to hear about it!
Tantric exercises share a deeper ability to communicate. It is the purest way of sharing the best prescription for health - SEX! One of the oldest Tantric exercises which combine a physical, mental, and spiritual way of life is the Venus Butterfly Technique which was first practiced in India around 3000 B.C. By simultaneous stimulation of the clitoris and tapping on the G-Spot (located approximately two inches inside, on the upper wall of the vagina, between the opening and the cervix), it is possible for the woman to reach both an internal orgasm and an external one which may result in multiple orgasms.
There has been an enormous amount of psychological research focusing on the relationship between sexuality and mental health. Recent medical studies by the American Heart Association have confirmed the physical benefits of an active sex life. The American Association of Urologists and significant medical school studies at the Universities of California and Indiana, just to name two, has documented studies about the health aspects of sexual activity. The Touch Institute in Florida has evidence that touch is the most powerful form of communication and maintenance of good health, physically and emotionally.
The emotional fulfillment that comes from a healthy sex life results in the relaxation of your muscles and your brain. Sex is good for your heart and lungs. Orgasms can alleviate certain headaches, the pain of menstrual cramps, act as a laxative, and help to burn calories, keep muscles toned, and organs healthy. It can have the effect of an anti-depressant, a mild sedative. Better sex can stimulate creativity, improve concentration, and reduce stress. And...most importantly, it feels good!
Go for the gold - but always safely. Don't jeopardize all the truly wonderful benefits of an active sex life by being careless and irresponsible.
Dr. Ava Cadell, Sexologist, Media Therapist, Author, Speaker and Founder of www.LoveologyUniversity.com the College of Sensual Knowledge.
- Total Body Workouts For Spring - KendraWilkinson.com
- Top 10 Sex Positions - She Knows
- 10 Celeb-Inspired Activities To Usher In Springtime - Betty Confidential
- Is Lack Of Sleep Getting In The Way Of Your Relationship? - Your Tango
- When Your Tastes Clash: How To Design & Decorate As A Couple - Casa Sugar
- Hitched: 7 Things I Regret About Our Wedding - The Frisky
- 5 Ways To Have A Hotter Sex Life - Huffington Post
- He Dumped Me & We Work Together! - Tres Sugar
Excerpt: The Boy Next Door by Annabelle Costa
Sexy Kitchen Time!
Excerpt: The Blood Keeper’s Prophecy (Book 1 of the Blood Keeper trilogy) by Brook Ellen West
How To Prioritize Your Time
Mother's Day Gift Guide
Excerpt: Click by Lisa Becker
Beginner's Tantra Practice
He's Just Not Into You
Review and Excerpt: Double Whammy by Gretchen Archer
Do You Need A Love Coach? Part 2