Tantra combines body, mind and spirit, causing your whole being to expand through awareness of your senses, feelings and energy. In Tantra there is no duality. Usually you think of good vs. bad, male vs. female, dark vs. light. You have been taught to perceive duality all about you, but in Tantra you come to know that all these opposites are contained in the same universal consciousness and that means everything you experience, do, and feel even pleasure and pain are designed to bring you closer to your own divinity.
Tantra invokes the question: How much can you expand in order to embrace it all? This expansion happens as you eliminate toxins and open yourself to more and more pleasure. That’s where the sex part comes in. Tantra uses the body as the learning vehicle, employing sexual energy to fuel the transformation.
Why? It’s easy and takes very little time to make a difference in your life. Any one of many techniques can bring you a sense of calm and peace in your every day with minimum effort. Plus while practicing you focus on opening to pleasure. How bad could that be?
While you may be attracted to Tantra believing it will spice up your sex life, there are many other concrete reasons to turn to this form of practice based on its incredible benefits. Great sex may be accomplished, but there is much more. It is important to note that the sexual union depicted in Tantric paintings and carved onto temple walls is symbolic of what can be achieved by joining feminine and masculine energy mostly inside yourself.
Sorry to tell you Tantra is not necessarily about having sex. It involves many breathing practices that include squeezing the anal sphincter muscles, contracting the PC (sex) muscles, mantra (making sound) and yantra (looking at geometric images). In addition, modern Western Tantra practices include emotional clearing, Latihan (inner guidance practice), dance and celebratory rituals. Yet it is not just a big party. It involves being with a teacher or teachers, lots of study, and group process work. There is method behind it designed to bring you to expanded awareness. The point of the teachings may not be apparent at first as with any Eastern tradition. Awakenings reveal themselves slowly even while you experience instant benefits.
The results include becoming much bigger (in the spiritual sense) than you ever imagined. You can expect to feel great, attractive, and self-confident. You will feel more focused on fulfilling your intentions. Your relationships will feel uplifted. You’ll develop compassion, forgiveness and find yourself with less desire and attachment to whatever or however you might have insisted that things go in your life. Tantra teaches you to surrender, let go of your desires by going though them rather than denying them. This leads you to opening to all that exists.
While other forms of meditative practice teach you to renounce bodily sensation and focus on transcending worldly attachment, in Tantra, you learn to use the body’s sensations as a finely tuned inner compass to steer you towards cosmic consciousness.
Do you need to have a partner or be part of a couple? No. Up until the current fascination with Tantra in the Western world, it was primarily practiced by celibate monks who knew that circulating their sexual energy would keep them healthy and vital, retarding the aging process – a virtual fountain of youth.
It often takes years of practice to overcome resistance in the mind and belief system, but Tantra is a pleasurable form so you can enjoy yourself while learning. Each new technique, when added to your life will produce calm and peace in your daily existence almost instantly. Why not check it out?
How To Get Started: A Simple Tantric Sexercise
The object of this very simple, yet fundamental exercise is to move sexual energy from the lower part of the body (genitals) to the rest of the body including extremities so that the body wakes up, using its own vital life force. You can use this technique to make yourself feel energized and happy. You can also use it during self sex or sex with a partner. It brings the sexual energy up the body to the heart and even the head and then allows the energy back down again through using the inhale and exhale.
Part 1 – Charging Breath
Put on some great tribal drum music.
Begin squeezing the anal sphincter muscles and the PC (sex) muscles to the beat. Once you have the beat, begin exhaling at the same moment you squeeze (so you are breathing in followed by exhale and simultaneous squeeze)
Begin making the sound Ooooo each time you squeeze and exhale over and over again. Next change the sound to Ahhhhhhh for maybe seven squeezes. Then begin to alternate the sounds Ooooo, Ahhhh, Ooooo, Ahhhh building a sexual charge in the body. Speed it up to double time with the music making the sounds rapidly.
At about the 5 minute mark change what you are doing…
Part 2 – Transmutation Breath
Take a big inhale through the nose while tightening every single muscle in the body – especially those sphincters and the PC’s, but not limited to them – include the face the shoulders, the fists, the feet – and hold the breath.
Take a quick sniff through the nose focusing on bringing sexual energy away from the genitals up to your third eye.
Hold the breath.
Then release the breath feeling the energy fall back down to the genitals making a big sigh.
Repeat part 2 two more times
Part 3 - Close Your Eyes - Notice How You Feel
(Note: After familiarizing yourself with this exercise, do it entirely with your eyes closed.)
Laurie Handlers, MA, is the author of Sex & Happiness and President of Butterfly Workshops, LLC, a Phoenix, AZ based company currently offering sexual health and awareness courses and leadership courses for corporations and individuals throughout the world. She hosts a weekly radio show about sex and intimacy and has appeared in many articles, books and films. Find out more at www.butterflyworkshops.com.
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by Nikki Leigh
When someone asks how your relationship is, what do you say? Do you smile and say, “It’s great?” Do you try not to grit your teeth when you say, “It’s fine?” Or, do you hesitate because you aren’t sure how you feel about your relationship?
No matter what stage you or you and your partner are at, a love coach or relationship coach can help you with a variety of areas of your personal development. They help you set and reach goals in the following areas of your life:
Think about those six important areas of your life. Take out a piece of paper or print this out and beside each area, write how you feel about it. Are you very satisfied, satisfied, not satisfied, very dissatisfied? I know that sounds like a telemarketer questionnaire, but this is much more important than any telemarketing call!
Think of your dating life, even in a committed relationship, you should still take time to date. Do you and your partner go on dates – just the two of you at least once or twice a month? Do you use this time to focus on one another or are the kids or friends and family always with you? Dating is a great way to focus on one another and to keep the romance alive.
What about love? Sure you love your partner, but are you still in love with them? Many long term relationships continue, but that spark that makes your heart skip a beat when he walks in the door or when she has great news, just isn’t there. Do you work to keep your love strong? Do you kiss your partner good bye when they leave and kiss hello when they get home? Kissing is often the first thing a long term couple stops doing, and that is an indication something is wrong. Make a commitment to kiss, a real kiss, not a peck on the cheek, at least twice a day.
Is there still romance in your relationship? If you still go on dates with each other, that’s a great start. What about doing little romantic things for each other? Do you leave thoughtful loving notes for your partner to find? Occasionally do you turn down the lights and have a quiet dinner alone? During the work day, take a few minutes to send a sexy text to tell your partner what you’d like to do with them later that night. It will bring a smile to their face and could easily brighten a dull afternoon at work. Romance doesn’t have to be hard – especially in a long term relationship when you know what your partner likes – and you should never stop looking for ways to please each other and show you still love one another.
Are you happy with your relationship? This goes beyond having a roof over your head and food in the fridge.
• Do you feel complete in your relationship?
• Do you and your partner work together to make and maintain a home?
• There will always be issues to contend with, but do you know your partner is there to support you and to work through the hard times?
• Do you feel good about yourself in this relationship?
Intimacy & Sexuality
Are you happy with the level and degree of intimacy in your relationship? Is your sex life fulfilling for you? That doesn’t mean that you have sex several times a month. That means you have sex on a regular basis and is it truly satisfying. Is it like the kind of sex you had when you were first married? Do you and your partner make an effort to find new ways to please each other? Do you have a real intimacy in your relationship? That isn’t just sex, but the deeper connection between you and your partner – the kind that touches the deepest parts of your being and that satisfies you completely – with or without sex.
These are just some details off the top of my head. Take a few minutes, look over the questions above and think about how you would rate dating, romance, love, intimacy, relationship and sex – in your life. Are there any areas you’d like to talk to a love coach about – to find ways to make it even better? Do you feel like you are getting a better understanding of the areas where a love coach or a relationship coach could help you?
These are the kinds of things I help people with as a love coach. Identifying core strengths and weaknesses helps the coach and clients to gain a better understanding of their overall happiness. Then we use a variety of tools and techniques to improve the quality of the relationship and make sure it’s rewarding and very satisfying.
Nikki Leigh - Love and Relationship Coach
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By Lady Cheeky
We’ve all been there with our partners. We get busy, or parenthood has zapped us of any spontaneity, or our careers have us barely eeking out time for even the smallest of meals. All these reasons and more take their toll on our sex lives and even if they don’t, we’ve all experienced at least a small period of humdrum sex. How do we spice it up?
Whether you’ve been with your partner 20 years or 20 minutes, experimenting with a sex toy can bring, at the very least, a little more excitement in bed or at most new pleasures you didn’t know you (or your partner) were capable of. But where do you start? Luckily I’ve tried them all and I can speak from personal experience that the following types of toys brought the most titillation to my trysts.
We all know about vibrators, in fact, some of us consider them our most loyal sexual partners. A vibrator can be one of the simplest and most useful toys in the bedroom. In speaking to Joan Price, an author and advocate for ageless sexuality who literally wrote the book on great sex for “women of a certain age” Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex put it this way “At our age, a well-chosen, well-placed vibrator can mean the difference between an orgasm – and no orgasm. It’s sometimes that simple.”
She’s right. A well-placed Bullet Vibe on your clit should do the trick or, hold it to his “boys” while you pleasure him and watch his eyes roll to the back of his head. For a little extra adventure, play around with voyeurism and exhibitionism and let him watch you pleasure yourself. This is a great way to begin a hot night of passion or just create more intimacy between you two. But, why stop there? Here are some other pleasure products that can rev up an otherwise uninspired libido:
Believe it or not, it’s often the men in our lives that can get a little skittish when it comes to toys, but fear not sexy warrior, Lanae St. John, The MamaSutra has the answer “I like to think of cockrings as a gateway sex toy. Men are often afraid of vibrators, thinking they will somehow be replaced by the toy. If they play with a cockring with their partner, for the first time they can see how fun toys are and how toys just supplement the fun.” Personally, I like Evolved Novelties Boss Cock’s Edition™ pleasure rings as they give a nice vibration to both lovers during sex. The vibration stimulates the clitoris (as well as his member) while making love, granting those women (like me) who orgasm best with clitoral stimulation better able to achieve climax during intercourse. The Boss Cock was the first cock ring I tried with my partner, as I wanted to be able to orgasm while he was inside me. I knew I was hooked when we were actually able to come at the same time, a rare but nice surprise for both of us. This cock ring became a staple in our lovemaking repertoire.
Another favorite of mine is the butt plug. This is often a scary item for most people making their first foray into sex toys as it seems taboo or dirty, but let me demystify it for you. First of all, the same nerve endings that inhabit the vagina and cervix also extend to the anus. Though we are all different as snowflakes, this is why some women can find anal stimulation extremely pleasurable. For men, a butt plug (especially one that’s curved) can stimulate the man’s prostate, which, during sex can be very delightful, to put it mildly. Sex Educator, Sunny Megatron puts it this way, “Butt plugs are great tools for enhancing orgasms. I’m one of those women who don’t climax easily. The addition of a butt plug often gives me the extra stimulation I need to push me over the edge. Anal stimulation can turn your average, so-so orgasm into an earth-shattering event. This isn’t only true for women, men can also benefit from anal stimulation and fullness during sex.” Right on, Sunny! I have found this to be true for me as well. If I’m having difficulty coming in ways I’m used to, the addition of a butt plug is all I need to make me scream in delight.
My advice is to start out slow. When looking for a butt plug, I suggest purchasing a slimmer, silicone plug, making certain it has a flanged end and definitely, always employ silicone safe lube. I absolutely love, The Slim by Tantus - it’s the perfect beginner size. Or if he’s feeling adventurous, a curved, vibrating prostate massager like the ProTouch from Tantus is a great choice as it comes with a removable bullet vibe for the plug or for the clit … however you enjoy it best. When I used a curved plug with my partner for the first time, he was able to achieve an orgasm so intense, he talked about it for days after and couldn’t wait to try anything else I suggested. The butt plug really is the gift that keeps on giving.
Another item I enjoy is a simple blindfold. It’s amazing what happens when you take visual stimulation out of the equation. Suddenly, your other senses are heightened and you are left wondering what he or she might touch or do next. If the blindfold goes well, try taking some satin ribbon and tying his hands together so he can’t touch you until you decide. Allowing your partner to pleasure you in unexpected ways while you are at his or her behest, requires the utmost trust. This is a great exercise in building a new level of intimacy between the two of you that you might not otherwise have tried. Sex toys in the bedroom are a fun and exciting way to make old experiences new again, but building a deeper intimacy between the two of you will be the gift that keeps your spark alive way after the batteries go dead.
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Writer, speaker and sex-positive activist, Lady Cheeky (Elle Chase) curates a popular, feminist, sensual images blog www.LadyCheeky.com, focusing on photos depicting real desire and passion with a strong emphasis toward positive body image. Her sister site, www.SmutForSmarties.com, is a sex-positive, editorial and literary companion where one can find tales of erotic indulgence, sex education, articles on current issues regarding sexuality/sensuality and personal essays related to sex. Her writing has been featured in a multitude of online publications including Evolved World, The Frisky, Corset Magazine and her erotica was most recently included in Rachel Kramer Bussel’s erotic anthology The Big Book of Orgasm: 69 Sexy Stories (Cleis Press, October 2014).
Every relationship goes through its ups and downs, that’s just life. But when your relationship hits that down slope a little sooner than expected, you many start to panic. Don’t. There are some simple ways to avoid letting the end of the so-called “honeymoon phase” get the best of you and your relationship.
Keep It Exciting
It’s very important that spontaneity remain a part of your relationship. Even if you and your man aren’t the biggest daredevils, keeping it exciting is a huge part of maintaining a certain level of thrill, which no doubt also keeps things interesting. Don’t do the same things every single day and don’t go on the same type of dates...it gets boring. For example, if you two are movie lovers and every weekend you find yourself cuddled up in the local theater, mix it up a bit and research the nearest drive-in movie theater. You’re still doing what you like, but investing the time to make it more interesting. And when it comes to the bedroom, use the same theory. If you’re always doing it one way (or even two for that matter), shock him by incorporating a completely different position that you two have never tried before. I guarantee you he won’t complain. ;)
Avoid The Fishbowl
When you’re in a relationship, there are typically just two people that should be concerned with what is going on within that relationship: you and your partner. Unfortunately, this is usually not the case and you have a ton of other people that seem to be interested in what you and your man are doing. Surprisingly a lot of people want to see how long you’re going to last and whether they even know it or not, are part of the reason your relationship is put under major stress. Try not to pay attention to this scrutiny, the outside factors and what other people have to say as it can cause a rift between you and your man. Everyone has an opinion and will always have something to say about your relationship, good or bad. It’s up to you to learn to brush off the things that don’t matter. When others start to scrutinize your relationship, take it as a sign you’re doing something right. They want to know the secret to your happiness…take it as a compliment.
Don’t Bring Stress Home
Stress has been known to end relationships very quickly. It may not even be your relationship that’s stressful, but outside factors that contribute to your overall stress level can penetrate your home life and that never ends well. If your job is stressing you out either because you’re overworked, underpaid, or both, leave that at the office. I know that it’s hard to separate your work and home life, but when you man asks you how your day was, briefly touch on it, but don’t get into a ranting session and then slip right back into the bad mood you were in at the office. It also places the stress you’re carrying on your man and then he gets worried about you as well. It’s a cycle of stress that you want to avoid at all costs. If money is stressing you both out, don’t argue about it. Instead work to find a solution, second jobs for anyone? Figuring out what you can sell? Believe me; letting stress take over your home life is not worth it.
Make sure you are taking time out for yourself. Just you and no one else. Most of the time we hear of people going on fancy spa days to get the perfect “me time” but spending a ton of money isn’t the only way to do this. You can simply go take a walk in the local park to be alone with your thoughts, go have lunch by yourself, or even grab a good book and cuddle up on your couch. If whatever you’re doing in that particular moment is what YOU want to do, it’s considered “me time.” So make it a point to carve out this special time for yourself as it will help to rejuvenate you and keep things fresh between you and your man.
It’s very important that you and your guy have a friendship, separate from your romantic relationship. I know this might sound crazy, but knowing your partner on this different level will really give you some great insight into what type of person they are and what type of values they have. This way, when the spark seems to have fizzled in your romantic relationship, you can pull from things you know about your “friend” to light it back up again. Knowing who you’re dealing with on a number of different levels is so important for someone you’re trying to stick it out with for the long haul.
The “honeymoon phase” doesn’t have to be something that impacts your relationship. Whether you’re a new couple or a newly married couple, you can use the above tips to help avoid hitting that mark and maintaining a fun, interesting and intriguing relationship with your man.
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By Lady Cheeky
Ahhh January - the crisp, bracing air, the relief that the holidays are behind us and the optimistic promise of a whole new year ahead. Each January my friends, colleagues and nosy grocery store clerks ask me the dreaded question “have you made any New Year’s resolution’s?” My reply is always the same one I give for anyone asking me my age “Fine thank you”. The confused look on their faces never ceases to amuse me as I slink away; proud I’ve escaped answering that question yet again.
I’m not a big fan of New Year’s resolutions. I’ve always been an immediate gratification gal and didn’t make the yearly over-promise because it always seemed too high aiming and unachievable in a satisfying amount of time … at least for this impatient writer.
Yet, I can’t deny there is some wisdom in making a resolution and sticking to it. The discipline and drive to commit to an immediate improving of one’s condition is a great way to ameliorate our well-being and over-all health.
This year, I was going to take that principle to heart. I was determined to improve one thing in my life pronto and I knew exactly what that was. In the past few months I had become all too aware that my sex life had started to take the back burner to other parts of my life. After my divorce a few years ago, I had vowed never to let my sex life suffer again. That was it. No more sitting around. It’s 2013 I am going to improve my sexual attitude. But where to start?
Meditate: Figure Out The Basic Need That's Not Being Met
On New Year’s Day, I turned off all electronic devices (gasp!) and began to search my soul for the answer I knew was buried. How could I re-energize my sex life? Frustrated, I picked up one of my favorite books on sexuality, Women’s Anatomy of Arousal by Sheri Winston. Bingo. Sheri never disappoints. All I had to do was read these lines under the heading Whole Sex – Macro to Micro:
“Your sexuality is about your connection to everyone and everything around you … you are a sexual being not a sexual ‘doing.’ Sex is not just something you do – it’s a fundamental and inseparable part of who you are.”
This really resonated with me. My lack of importance placed on sex recently was the loss of focus on how it makes me feel when I’m connected to my sexual self. When I’m having great sex my senses are more astute, my mood is elevated and my interaction with others is more positive and engaging. I missed all those feelings and wanted them back.
Enumerate: Identify Three Ways To Achieve Your New Goal
I love to make lists, but I can get carried away and end up overwhelming myself with steps and procedures to follow. So, I kept it simple and allowed myself three things to do to change my sexual attitude. For me, the best first step is to research. Researching always gets me excited about my topic and it’s a way my inner “know-it-all” gets exercised. In my fact-finding mission I came up with three ways to encourage my sexual attitude to grow and become more diverse. My personal list is made up of A) something I’ve wanted to learn, B) something I’ve wanted to become better at and C) something I’ve been putting off. I came up with: learning Orgasmic Meditation, become better at the art of lingam (penis) massage and a resolution to acquire a new, like-minded lover to practice with. Great! I had my list, now I had to take the leap and start the journey.
Participate: Take The Quickest Action To Achieve One Of Your Goals
This is perhaps the most challenging part of change, the actual dirty work (pardon the pun). However, the most important aspect of this last step is not to delay. I resolved to tackle my chosen first step immediately. If I didn’t engage myself posthaste, chances were I’d keep putting it off. When I found a local Orgasmic Meditation group on Meetup.com, I signed up for my first introduction that same week. Just taking that first step excited and inspired me to investigate other ways to encourage my inner sex goddess to express herself again. I found my desire to pick up the Anais Nin book I had put down and was suddenly inspired to write more erotica.
The most surprising aspect of these three steps was that it immediately opened up my sensuality again. I had a familiar sway to my step and lilt to my voice just from acknowledging and welcoming it back into the fold. I truly believe this small but powerful master-stroke toward changing my sexual attitude right away on New Year’s Day, opened me up to attract more like-minded partners and friends – people who support my new attitude and foster its growth.
I’m only eleven days into the re-invigorating of my sybaritic soul, but so far I’m very glad I actually made and followed through with a resolution this year. Now, if people ask me if I’ve made any New Year’s resolutions, I won’t confuse them with a flippant remark, I’ll intrigue them with the answer “I’m changing my sexual attitude!” as I skip off to practice Orgasmic Meditation, lingam massage or make-out with a new lover.
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This is a fresh new way for couples to rethink their union - by adding a new component that can involve a new person, a new place, a new activity or a new object of desire for both people to enjoy together.
Unlike traditional couples relationships, The Third Pleasure options are limitless and a way to experience love outside of the conventional box by pushing your boundaries. The Third Pleasure can prevent predictable ruts and help rekindle passion. Whether it’s fleeting boredom, diminished desire, or lack of playfulness that is keeping your relationship from growing, as long as you are both willing to invest the time and creativity into enriching your love life, this could be the answer to your relationship wants, needs and desires.
Below are 10 examples of experiencing The Third Pleasure.
1. Learn how to incorporate Tantric Sex from a private Tantrika
2. Explore BDSM by working with a professional Mistress or Master.
3. Hire a massage therapist to show you how to massage each other.
4. Go to a sex toy store together and choose a new one for each other.
5. Discover cross-dressing by wearing each other’s clothes in public.
7. Get a sex swing and invite your closest friends to a sex swing party.
8. Make love in a new location, new position and new time of day or night.
9. Go to a legal brothel and have a three-way with someone you both find attractive.
10. Learn a new sexual activity such as Sploshing, Foot worship or Furries and incorporate it into your love life for more sizzle and spice.
Getting Started - Step One
Create self-awareness and evaluate the void that is missing in your relationship by creating Third Pleasure Vision Boards. This exercise should be done separately so that you don’t influence each other and you can create your own artistic images using your own words, symbols, pictures with crayons, paints, foods, materials or anything else that can help define your vision.
Using 3 pieces of paper or cardboard, number each one clearly. Add a heading to number 1: My Relationship Now. Then create your vision using your emotions to provoke your picture. There is no time limit and there is no grading for artistic talent, so let loose and create from your heart.
When you’ve completed your first vision board, take the second piece of paper or cardboard and write number 2: My Dream Relationship. Then create your vision using your strongest emotions to define what your perfect dream relationship might look like. Be sure to add at least one new element of pleasure that will fill in any void and take your relationship to new heights of romance, intimacy and sexual pleasure.
Finally, take the last sheet of paper or cardboard and write number 3: My Biggest Fear. Then create your definition of what obstacles and problems may be holding you back from experiencing your perfect dream relationship.
Well done for accessing unconscious information that can provide valuable information to you and your partner on how to make your relationship even better. Take the time to share your views about each of the visions created without judgment and make a commitment to empower each other to make your relationship dreams come true.
Agree to bring in a Third Pleasure activity, place, person or object of desire to help expand your love relationship horizons. This can be a one-time experiment, a temporary or permanent choice that both of you want to try to please the other and turn a bland relationship into a sensational one.
Loveology University is a hub where you can find online courses that will help you to push your boundaries and expand your sexual horizons, such as this one on Sexual Taboos: http://www.loveologyuniversity.com/shortcourseDetails.aspx?CourseID=48
By Josey Vogels
We were enjoying one of those lazy Sunday mornings in bed when you just know you're gonna get some. It's just a matter of how. Suddenly, he jumped out of bed, "Got any playing cards?" he asked. "Uh, yeah, I think there's a deck lying around here somewhere."
He scurried butt naked from room to room while I shouted possible locations from the warmth of the bed, wondering if a Sunday-morning of Go Fish was really the mood I was after. He finally came back to bed, dollar-store playing cards in hand and, fanning out the cards, gave me the old, "Pick a card, any card." Six of hearts. "Oral or manual?" he asked. Then he handed me his watch. Six minutes of oral sex later, it was his turn. "Pick a card, any card." I smiled. Obviously, Go Fish had different rules where he grew up. I like his version way better. We had a wonderful morning.
The thing I loved about this particular game was that it made me feel completely relaxed and guilt-free about receiving one-sided pleasure for extended periods of time (especially given the hardest part of the game was keeping my eye on the clock). I was just following the rules, after all. It made me extremely focused about giving pleasure, too. Fun for everyone.
As far as I'm concerned, when it comes to sex, we could all stand to stop taking it so seriously and have some fun. And sex toys aren't the only things you can play with (besides each other) in bed. Playing games in bed brings out the kid in you.
When you think about it, most of us learned about sex through games. Anyone who played doctor as a kid can attest to this. We were a spin-the-bottle, strip-poker crowd where I come from. Truth or Dare always got pretty down and dirty too. As adults, there are lots of simple sexy games you bring to the bedroom. Ever tried having sex with a "no hands" rule, or an "only lips allowed" rule? A "no intercourse" rule once in a while is a an excellent way to shift focus.
There used to be this kit you could send away for when we were kids that had all you needed to set up your own backyard carnival to raise money for charity. My favorite game was one in which you sent kids blindfolded into a room and made them stick their hands in different bowls of food that were supposed to represent human remains. You know, grapes were eyeballs, spaghetti was guts, that kind of thing. What's this got to do with sex games, you ask? Well, you can adapt the same principal to the bedroom. Blindfold your partner, rub different foods over their body and make them guess what it is.
Another great side effect of playing games in bed is it loosens things up and puts you both more at ease, making you comfortable being naked together. In fact, if you want to enjoy a really simple game, get naked and play tag or hide 'n' seek. Stage your own private nude World Wrestling Federation tournament.
To get a little more creative, you could try writing an erotic story together - one of you writes one line, the other person adds the next:
1st person: "See Dick." 2nd person: "See Dick lick Jane." 1st person: "Come, Jane, Come!"
Or give your partner a list of words that he has to use in an erotic story.
"Okay honey, use the words lint, pork and flotsam in a sexy story."
Find an erotic story you like and act it out together. Or a non-erotic story and make it sexy. Ever try to imagine what happened after they found Goldilocks in Baby Bear's bed?
Test your amateur porn-video director skills and direct each other in your own porn video. Be sure to follow the director's instructions. Switch roles. It's an old standard but it still does the trick once in a while. If you're usually the girl, be the boy and vice versa.
You can buy commercial sex games as well. Most of them are based on the idea that you land on a space that tells you what to do or say to your partner. One game I saw called the More Foreplay Game is kind of cute and you can make your own version at home. Cut out four cardboard squares and get those doohickeys from an office-supply store that you stick through a cardboard arrow, then through the cardboard square to create a spinner (think Twister). Mark one card with body parts (nipple, penis, earlobe), another with the things you can do to that body part (lick, kiss, slap silly), another with the part of the body you'll use to do it (hand, butt cheek, nostril) and finally how you'll do it (tenderly, roughly). And spin away.
Even playing regular board games naked can be a riot. Snakes and Ladders will never be the same.
You can play games out of bed as well. If you're out playing pool you can place wagers that you have to settle when you get home. "I win, I get to tie you up tonight." On second thought, why wait till you get home? "I win, I do you in the bathroom of the bar." Or "I win, you go pantiless the rest of the night."
When it comes to games, there's really only one kind I strongly discourage at any time in your relationship, and that's head games. Otherwise, have fun!
“Hi, my Name is Dildo”
Not exactly the introduction you were expecting, right? The unexpected shock of introducing sex toys into a relationship can be a bit awkward; especially since society has made these fun additions to the bedroom so taboo that we’re often very timid when broaching the subject.
The great part about toys is that there are ton of options that cater to a wide range of people – whether you’re ready to jump off into the deep end of erotic toys, or you’re just starting out with something small, there is a toy for everyone. There are a few key pointers to take heed of when introducing toys into the bedroom, and if you’re mindful of the below, he should be readily participating in no time:
Include Him In The Fun
One of the biggest fears men have of inviting toys in the bedroom is that these innocent but sometimes very powerful objects are replacing them. It is very true that some toys do what most humans can’t, but part of the fun in using toys in a relationship is that you can both enjoy them together. Let your man use that bullet vibrator with you, and while you’re at it, give him the remote control and hand the power over to him. He will not only feel like he is controlling your climax, but I guarantee you that seeing you in pure bliss will turn him on big time. This is arguably one of the best forms of foreplay as it’s an unwritten fact that men love to watch women pleasuring themselves. Which leads me to my next point….
Let Him Watch
When your man leaves the room, pull out one of your favorite toys and get started without him – I promise you, he won't be upset. In fact, he’ll be over the moon with lust and fully aroused in no time, which is even better news for you. However excited you might be, don’t let him join in immediately, tell him to take a seat, grab his popcorn and get ready for a show. Using external clitoral stimulators in addition to dildos for penetration, you will undoubtedly turn your man on and he will most definitely not be shy about allowing a few toys in the bedroom. Once you’re all revved up, turn the tables and pull out a few toys that you’d like to use on him. Once he’s seen how enticing it is and you’ve loosened him up a bit, he might be more willing to experiment with a toy or two….
Turn The Tables
When shopping for toys that you intend to use with or on your man, it might be a good idea to take him to the sex shop with you. You can also gauge how open he is to the idea of introducing toys into the bedroom when you ask him to go to your local sex shop. If he’s shocked and very uncomfortable, you’ll be able to tell immediately, and even if he is, just tell him you’d like to go “check a few things out.” If you both go and don’t even end up purchasing anything the first time around, talking with the employees about what you’re looking for is also a fun way to learn more about what your man is craving in the bedroom and it makes for a great date for you both. If you’ve gotten him to go to the sex shop with you, make sure you’re there shopping for things that he will enjoy too, not just vibrators and toys for yourself. Fun items that influence intimacy and help to bring out you adventurous side are great ways to ease him into this new “playground.” Some of these items may include massage oil, handcuffs and blindfolds, which help to create a very intense form of mystery, all the way down to cock rings, which might require a bit more convincing. Touch and feel the toys, talk to the employees in depth about what each toy does, and get their personal opinions on it, as many have tried the toys or know someone who has. There is nothing more valuable than first-hand advice on what works well and what doesn’t.
Once you get past the awkward phase of tiptoeing around the subject, I have no doubt that at the end of the day, he’ll be thanking you for introducing him to the not-so-scary world of sex toy play. It will not only enhance your sex life, but it’s just downright fun and a great way to spice things up in the bedroom. Head over to your local sex shop, with or without your man, and pick up some fun items to add to that secret drawer in your side table….you won’t regret it. Good luck!
Foreplay includes telling your partner all the things you love about him or her...
By Nikki Leigh
We all think that we make our partner happy, but what would happen if someone asked our partner? Would they agree with our assessment of our sexual prowess? No matter how good you are or how good your love life is – you can always find ways to improve, for yourself and your partner.
When people find out I’m a relationship coach and a master sexpert, their first response is to tell me that they are great in bed. I usually respond that there is always something new to learn or something new to try. But let’s approach this from a positive perspective. Instead of dwelling on what’s wrong, let’s talk about things your partner would love to see from you.. and it will likely improve your enjoyment and satisfaction too. What tips would you like to include?
Step One –Learn And Try New Things
Even if you know your partner loves things you do to them sexually, never settle for that. Try new things and take the initiative with your partner. It is great to ask if he would like to do something new or a bit different, but if you want to suggest something very different from your norm – ask your partner before things get steamy. There is less pressure if you’re not naked when you offer a suggestion.
Step Two – Talk And Listen To Your Partner
If you’re on the couch watching TV or talking, start a conversation about something new you would like to try. There are many articles on this site that give advice on how to improve your sex life and you can check out my radio show “Ready for Love” Radio. On each show, I give a Master Sexpert tip and a Love Work assignment, along with all kinds of suggestions throughout the show. (http://lovecoachjourney.com/ready-for-love-radio/) When you talk to your partner about what you want – be specific and if you talk erotically, he’ll love it.
Step Three – Get In Touch With Your Sexuality
Many women of all ages were raised to believe they shouldn’t think about or be in touch with their own sexuality. Gasp – I know this will get me in trouble with a large number of people, but that is a crock. If you think some man will show you what you need to know – you will likely be disappointed. Chances are that he doesn’t understand a woman’s sexuality either.
Ladies, when you don’t understand your body and what turns you on, it is impossible to help your partner please you. He will do the things he thinks you like – and he likely learned this from other guys, porn or some other less than reliable source. When you understand and take charge of your sexuality, you can help your man know how to please you. Most of the men I’ve asked – love it when a woman is comfortable with and in touch with her sexuality.
Step Four –Tell Your Partner What You Want And Need
While I’m shocking you – let’s take it a step further. The best way to learn about your sexuality is to explore your own body. Shocking! Yes ladies, masturbation and self-love are great ways to learn what you enjoy. Whether it includes looking at your whole body in the mirror or in the shower, exploring all of your body with your hands or experimenting with lube and sex toys, you can learn invaluable information about the things that turn you on. Once you understand, you can tell your man, or for a hotter response, use your hands and show him what you want. Getting in touch with your sexuality can be very empowering and satisfying for you and your partner. When you let partner know what you want – never complain and always keep the conversation positive to get the most satisfying results for both of you.
Step Five – No One Knows It All
No one knows everything about love, relationships, intimacy and sex. But, you can keep an open mind; use open, honest and positive communication with your partner; and reach out to your partner, be honest and try new things that you want to do. These are great ways to learn more and also to keep your love and sex life interesting for you and your partner. It isn’t good to get into a rut in any part of your life including your sex life.
You also have the option of seeing a relationship coach or a certified sexpert who can help you evaluate what sort of help you need and to give you the tools to improve or spice up your relationship. It is important to check the credentials of any coach before working with them and many coaches work in specific niches, so you want to find one that can help you and has a style that works for you.
Step Six – Communicate Without Words
Along with telling your man what you want and how you want it – you can also show him what you want. If he’s not touching you the way you want, reach for his hand and guide him where you want him to touch. This also works very well when he’s giving you oral sex – grab his head in your hands and show him what you like and how much you like what he’s doing. Sure words work, but let your sighs and moans do the talking for you and get your whole body involved in the sensual conversation.
Step Seven – Laugh With Your Partner
Make time in your relationship for fun and for sexy play. Life is serious and we all have the work, home, family, financial and other responsibilities but make the effort to carve out time with your partner. Spend time focusing on the two of you and keeping your relationship interesting, fun and sexy. Along with keeping it fun, show initiative and enthusiasm with your partner. We all love to know we’re wanted and desired – let your man know you want him and take the time to show him just how much. Believe me, he will return the favor.
Step Eight – Love Yourself And Give In To The Passion
Everyone has something about their body or themselves that they would like to change. But, leave that concern at the door when you spend time with your partner. The less you worry about your legs, your butt or those little wrinkles around your eyes – the less he will care. Put steps one through seven into play and he will be way too busy to care about the flaws that you could worry about. Do your best to love yourself, be confident – and remember confidence is very sexy. Last but not least – when you are spending hot, steamy and sexy time with your partner - don’t hold back. When you feel the passion building – maybe starting at your toes and working higher and higher - give in to the passion and go with the pleasure. Men love to see their woman reaching the brink of orgasmic pleasure and giving in when they can’t wait one minute more… you will love it too.
- Total Body Workouts For Spring - KendraWilkinson.com
- Top 10 Sex Positions - She Knows
- 10 Celeb-Inspired Activities To Usher In Springtime - Betty Confidential
- Is Lack Of Sleep Getting In The Way Of Your Relationship? - Your Tango
- When Your Tastes Clash: How To Design & Decorate As A Couple - Casa Sugar
- Hitched: 7 Things I Regret About Our Wedding - The Frisky
- 5 Ways To Have A Hotter Sex Life - Huffington Post
- He Dumped Me & We Work Together! - Tres Sugar
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