Why can’t some people just can’t take no for an answer?

Take for instance, The Noocher, who I haven’t seen in person since 2007.

It’s now 2012.

This is a guy who I briefly dated while I lived in Los Angeles in 2004.  He was your typical cad.  So, in 2007, after this on-and-off again relationship that was going nowhere fast, I decide to do myself a favor and end it for good.

Then in 2009, while I was living in New York City, The Noocher contacts me again.  He was coming to New York City to visit his brother and, of course, wanted to see me, too. I was nice about it, but I declined his offer and to make sure I didn’t hear from him during his visit, I lied and said that I had a boyfriend.  (Look, whatever works, right?)

He goes away for almost another year until April 2010.

THE NOOCHER:  Happy Easter.

CARRIE:  Do me a favor and lose my number. We are over.  Please delete my phone number. There is no need to contact me.

THE NOOCHER: No one cares about you and your bitter ass. Not married, now or ever. You will have loads of cats.

CARRIE: Happy Easter to you, too. Now, please leave me alone.

THE NOOCHER: It was a bulk email. I’m in love with a strong woman who loves me. I don’t want the drama.

*ROLLS EYES*

CARRIE: Great! Delete! Delete! Delete my number! Writing back to me only means that you are not deleting my number. Don’t make change it…

He leaves me alone, until a year and a half later on December 28th, 2010 – guess who calls?  Yup.  I started to see the pattern. He lets enough time to pass by, thinking I will forget why we are not talking.  He’s really this delusional.

I decide to take his call only so that I can tell him to leave me alone.  We talk for 30 minutes, but I am relentless with calling him out on how badly he treated me in our “relationship” and keep on with the jabs and continue standing my ground.  He tells me he’s not trying to get back together with me, but that he just wanted to know how I was doing.  What a crock of shit.

I continue on with the verbal lashing.  Believe me, I was not nice. Then getting nowhere with him I, once again, told him to lose my number – just delete it.

We hang up, and I swear, he calls me back 30 minutes later.  I let it go to my voice mail, because I have nothing left to say to him. He leaves me a message apologizing to me for hurting my feelings.

I couldn’t believe he actually had it in him to utter an apology, but it didn’t matter because, for me, it was too late. I just wanted him out of my life. I had given him so many chances before and there was no way I would give him another one.

It had taken me years to figure out that we didn’t have a connection – it was only lust that kept me going back for more all those years, because he was definitely not a man of substance. I knew I deserved so much more than he could ever offer…

Why am I bringing all of this up?  Because, last week, while I’m getting my hair done, I’m sitting under the dryer reading my book and I feel my phone vibrate.

You know what’s coming next, right?

THE NOOCHER:

Holy mother of God.  Are you kidding me? I was so mad I came close to hurling my cell phone across the room, but instead, numerous expletives start shooting out of my mouth, as if I had a sudden case of Tourette’s. I made enough noise that the woman sitting across from me looks up from her magazine to see what the commotion was all about.  I smile, but then continue mumbling to myself, as I try to get back into my book.

I begin reading my book, but the words I read are not registering in my head.  I’m too heated to concentrate.  I have to get this off my chest before I implode.  I decide to tell Becky.

CARRIE:   I have to tell someone.  So, you’re it:  The Noocher just sent me a text of a flower.  WTF?  I’m ignoring him.  Men…

BECKY:  WHAT!!!  Are you f’ing kidding me!!!!

CARRIE:  That’s what I said.  Out loud.  I’m sitting next to someone at the hair salon who heard me.  Who looks crazy now?

BECKY:  You should reply with a picture of pruning shears.

CARRIE:  I love you.

CARRIE:  I’ve got another idea, how about a picture of ‘Round Up?

Eventually, I go back to reading my book and manage to ignore his text.  I knew he was just testing the water to see if I would respond, and I’m not that dumb or desperate anymore.

Two days later I was flipping through “He’s Just Not That Into You – Your Daily Wake-up Call” and I found this, which I thought was so fitting:

The “But, He Wants To Get Back Together,” Excuse:  This is what that guy is doing during your relationship recess:  He’s sniffing around for something better, and when he doesn’t find it, he gets lonely and comes “home.”  It’s not that he’s so into you.  It’s that he’s so not being into alone.  ~Greg Bernhardt