Admittedly, I avoided this topic. It had been on my mind for quite some time, but I had decided that it just wasn’t something that I was willing to share. Two days ago, as I browsed through my Facebook fiends I found myself doing “it” once again.
This “it” was dropping in on one of my ex-girlfriends’ pages just to peruse her photos and get an update on her life. Yeah I know it sounds creepy; I’m not going to deny that, but before you set your page to maximum “private” settings at least hear me out.
I’d visited her page many times before (really creepy). That wasn’t anything new. I’d looked at those same pictures of her and her new baby and husband plenty of times before. I already knew the name of the restaurant they went to on that Mother’s Day to take this photo. But as I looked at it this time, there was something that struck me. Somewhere deep.
I still have feelings for her.
Most of you can probably guess where this is headed or where it came from. Because undoubtedly you’re some guy’s “The One,” but still I’ll give you the background story to shed some light on the whole thing. We met in college when I was too immature and self-centered to realize how lucky I was to know her. We were together for two years, until I broke up with her because, get this, I didn’t want to cheat on her anymore.
I was young and happy to have so many options. For her part she was a quiet, nice girl who didn’t wear make-up (her skin was flawless) and was content with the simple things in life. I mention make-up only because most of the girls I “knew” were a certain type. Some thought she was too “regular” for me. Inside I thought she was great. She wanted to become a teacher to help people. I wanted to be a rock star. We were doomed from the start, but still we managed to work.
She was heartbroken to say the least about my breaking up with her. Not long after that I had second thoughts, but the damage had been done. Over the course of the next ten years or so, I contacted her sometimes. Mostly in the middle of the night. Sometimes on Sundays. To apologize. She wouldn’t listen to me. Most of the time she just told me to let it go and stop calling. Which I didn’t do.
Fast forward to today. And that Facebook page. Our lives have changed significantly since then, but the feelings haven’t gone away. I wonder if she does the same to my page. We’re not friends. She won’t accept my requests, but I imagine she checks in on me from time to time. Then again, that’s probably just my arrogance talking, but I have wondered if she realizes she is my “The One.” All guys have one. Some may have more.
I think every man has one in his life. Some might say “the one that got away,” but I don’t believe that’s necessarily true, because it’s more than that. I think in every one’s life it takes you losing something you truly love to gain a full appreciation for it and to grow.
Unfortunately, most of us won’t spend the rest of our lives with “The One,” because it’s just not in the cards. And really this person is ultimately responsible for you going on to have a healthier relationship somewhere down the road, because you have in fact learned from your mistakes. It’s kind of like that whole sacrificial lamb idea. You give up one thing to get something bigger or better.
Or do you?
I’ve told myself that before, but frankly I have trouble believing that sometimes.
Perhaps you just look back every so often and wonder what if things had been different. Maybe you spend the rest of your life trying to make them different. It’s a clichéd Hollywood storyline, but unquestionably one that people still fork out millions to go and see.
Because everyone can relate.
Men keep trying and women keep denying.
For me, I was never so sure the whole thing wasn’t just some sort of guilt trip and I wanted to hear her say she forgave me (her friends ultimately let my transgressions be known). What audacity. But then again that’s how many of us guys think.
We break your heart; then we want you to forgive us when we’re ready. Sounds about right, wouldn’t you say? Still there’s something to be said about closure and the only way to achieve it is to put everything out on the table. Maybe I’m just being selfish. But I think this is true.
But still ladies, if he calls, at least just give him the time of day. It just might be beneficial to you both.
And maybe in the end you can get some satisfaction knowing that he missed out on his “The One.”