There are many things you need in a relationship to make it work. One of the most important things is honesty. Honesty to me can make or break a relationship. It can bring out the best in people and it can bring out the worst. Honesty can change your opinion of someone in a matter of seconds. Without honesty, a relationship will never last.
Honesty in my past relationships has been shitty. I have been hurt and lied to way too many times. I have been lied to about cheating and lied to about drugs, to mention a few subjects, but those are the big ones. I was not getting honest answers to my questions about these matters when I asked. All I wanted was the truth. It’s frustrating when you ask someone for the answer, you already know the truth, and they lie to you.
My mistake was believing that after being honest with me they would continue being honest. But that was never the case. Again I would be lied to and hurt. After a while you finally learn it will never end or change, so you move on. Because of my past relationships it is hard for me to trust someone again after they have hurt me. It takes a really long time for that trust to be restored. I believe because of what has happened in the past that it will happen again.
It’s really hard when someone has lied a few times about the same thing or wasn’t completely honest over and over. So if before you told me you were going to be honest from now on and then surprise surprise you lied, how am I supposed to believe you this time when you say you are going to be honest from now on? It fucks with my mind and that’s not the way to get me to trust you. You can’t get mad at me when I question things and have doubts; you only have yourself to blame.
The reality is I would rather someone hurt me by being honest with me than lie to me. You are only hurting me more by not being honest. Let me decide what I want to do with the information; don’t you decide for me. It’s even worse if you are dishonest with me about something and I soon find out the truth on my own. Then I am hurt even more. Shit doesn’t stay hidden no matter how hard you try. The truth comes out eventually.
For me it seems every relationship I fall into I have issues with honesty. Whether it’s not happening when it should be or I am not sure if I believe what is going on is honest. But I am always honest with the people that I love. I give them that respect because I expect and deserve the same behavior. Don’t make promises about this to make me happy if you don’t expect to keep them, which only causes more hurt.
Relationships can be tough. Every day they are growing and changing, sometimes good and sometimes bad. But I fully believe to make it and have a strong bond there needs to be complete honestly. I am always completely honest with my current boyfriend, I only hope he does the same. We always tell each other everything and what’s going on in our lives.
I don’t know how some people do it. If I were not truthful to someone I loved it would eat me alive. I would feel awful. I don’t care what it is about; knowing that I was hurting someone I love would make me sick inside.
My advice is to just lay everything on the table, good or bad. You don’t know how the other person may react. They may think your thoughts and ideas are something they want to partake in. But don’t ever keep them from your partner that does no good. Whatever the matter is just put it out there. In the end, honesty may make or break any relationship.
Posted by Lucy Vonne on May 29, 2011 06:58 am
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