I want you to raise your right hand if you’re single. (This excludes anyone reading this while driving or operating any sort of heavy machinery, which begs me to ask you, “What the hell are you doing?”). Great now I want you to raise your left hand if you already know what your engagement ring looks like. Yes I’m talking about that blinding 5 carat, Princess Cut Diamond engagement ring and wedding band. The one you picked out in the eighth grade.
Now go ahead and look around you. You see the pathetic looking chick at the desk across the hall who drinks coffee like its Vodka at a Martini Bar with her hands up; her, yep, she’s your sister now. Want to guess why both of you have your hands up?
She likes Princess Cut Diamond Rings like you do.
She likes 5 carats like you do.
She’s single. Like you are too.
Did you just feel that gush of frigid air?
I’m not going to say you’re single because you like the finer things in life. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. I’m just going to tell you the truth; no man who pees standing up, while resting his arm on the wall wants to hear something that sounds like this, “Honey, I know we’re still figuring everything out, but if you ever decide to ask me to marry you, this is the ring that I want.” Or the equally as troubling, “Let’s go pick out my engagement ring.”
Okay I know this may ruffle the feathers a bit, but it’s the truth. I’ve popped the question a few times and not once did any of the women I propose to, tell me what ring they wanted, without me inquiring first. They may have been crazy as hell later on, but they did afford me the opportunity to find out what they like on my own.
Purchasing an engagement ring is a big step for a guy; financially, he may have to make sacrifices to get the thing, socially it means, “Hey I’ve found the one and I’m officially leaving the band,” and emotionally he’s thinking, “Wait, does this mean I’m getting married?” But still at the end of the day, he wants to feel like it’s his decision and his decision alone on when and what to buy.
It’s just the honest truth.
To be clear, you play a major role in this whole thing as well. You have to say “yes” for starters and then you get to spend the next year or so planning the big day and driving everyone ape shit. But the engagement ring and actual proposal are his territory. Allow the guy to be the “Lord of the Ring.” My friend Paul gets dragged to every major jewelry store or diamond warehouse within 50 miles of the city, by his girlfriend Marilyn (names have been changed to protect their identity, in case he gets the urge to read for once in his life). He knows everything there is to know about cut, color, clarity and carat, and doesn’t mind telling the rest of the guys this. But one thing Marilyn doesn’t realize is he also knows the four N’s of manhood; No, Never, Next Year, and Not her. They’ve been together for six years. Marilyn thinks it’s a good idea that they go and pick out the best ring possible for her. Any guesses on when this train derails?
Truthfully, men don’t mind finding out what you like or would like, we would just like to ask. Hell some dudes will ask you, “Honey let’s go look at rings” (though I think they should be tarred and feathered), but if you’re guy is really ready to marry you, he will have a conversation that sounds something like this. “Hey babe, did you see that ring that (insert whoever) was wearing? What’s the difference between that and (insert another whoever’s) ring?” “Really, which do you like? What’s the difference?” Then you explain that you like the Princess Cut and you don’t really care about the carats, because you know that he loves you and that’s all that matters. That is all that matters right? Right?
Or maybe he’s the type that employs your best girlfriend to do a little recon mission for him and find out all of your details (though I prefer asking myself. Makes it more personal). Either way, he still feels like he’s the one making the decision on the ring.
There’s something special about a man proposing to a woman and she genuinely being surprised and so overwhelmed with emotion that all she can say is “It’s so beautiful. You picked an amazing ring for me.” If you picked that thing out a year earlier and he had to mortgage his house and now rides the city bus to get it, call me a cynic, but I just don’t see the specialness about that.
If a man loves you, he will find out, or you can simply use some of your women powers (another topic) to tell him. But let him feel like he made the choice and watch how he feels when he knows he’s done well and you’re elated.
Now put your damn hands down.