By Dr. Ava Cadell

We all have some kind of physical or emotional disability in the bedroom, whether it’s an inhibition carried over from past shame or a lack of mobility caused by an accident or disease. Your sexuality is part of you and is within your control even when you have changes to your body. The ability to be sexual contributes towards our self worth and confidence.

Below are five emotional plus five physical disabilities with tips to turn them into abilities and empower you in and out of the bedroom. It’s essential to approach all of these with a positive attitude and an open mind to making adjustments.

Physical Disabilities

1. Visual Impairments

Disability: It is estimated by the American Foundation for the Blind that 10 million people in the United Stated are visually impaired.

Ability: Indulge in awakening other senses with sensual massages, scented candles, seductive music, and sumptuous aphrodisiacs, as they are all enhancements to get you in the mood and get your sexual juices flowing.

2. Spinal cord injuries (SCI)

Disability: - Loss of movement and muscles may alter your mobility during sexual activity and affect the degree of sensation because of nerve damage to the spinal cord.

Ability: Incorporate erotic fantasy stories and sex toys that aid in sexual activity while relieving pressure from performance. To help your balance, you can use Liberator sex cushions or a love swing for weightless sex.

3. Breast Cancer

Disability: After a mastectomy, becoming whole again and reclaiming your sexual identity should not depend upon your physical appearance, but upon your inner being.

Ability: Get used to your body post surgery by lovingly touching and exploring your erogenous zones from head to toe. Dress up for your lover in a sexy and comfortable outfit, wear a wig and manifest whatever it takes to reclaim your sexuality.

4. Stroke

Disability: The physical and mental disabilities brought on by a stroke are rarely a direct cause of sexual dysfunction, but paralysis on one side of the body and temporary inability to speak can affect a romantic relationship adversely.

Ability: Explore your sexual desires in new ways since limitations may have changed, from sensual bathing and touching to watching erotica and making love in alternative sexual positions.

5. Heart Disease

Disability: Almost 6 million Americans have some form of cardiovascular disease every year and are afraid that sex may trigger a heart attack. And not surprisingly, some suffer from sexual dysfunction.

Ability: Patients need to talk to their doctors before resuming sexual activity, but on average they can after three to six weeks, as long as there are no complications. Exploring a spiritual sexual path such as Tantric Sex can have a deeper intimate effect on the relationship.

Emotional Disabilities

1. Depression

Disability: Depressive disorders affect approximately 18.8 million Americans age 18 and older a year and is a leading cause of disability in adults. Many people who are depressed lose interest in sex.

Ability: Talk with a professional to treat depression and it will provide freedom from the disease and inspiration to feel sexual again. Make the effort to cuddle with your partner, even if you don’t feel sexual as closeness can keep a relationship together.

2. Low Self-esteem

Disability: , especially in terms of sexuality, accumulates through many influencing sources, patterns of thinking and behaviors that we have inherited. Most individuals experience inadequate sexual education from family, peers, teachers, cultural differences, sex negative societies, and even the mass media which has brought mixed-messages, stereotypes, misinformation and the sexual idealization of body types and images that are not the norm.

Ability: Just because your body may not look like the models in the magazine pages on the outside doesn’t mean that it won’t work well on the inside.  Stop the mind’s chatter and let the body have its rein. Self-pleasuring is a wonderful way to love yourself.

3. Shame

Disability: The sense of shame or embarrassment can lead to feeling inhibited and disable a person from fully enjoying their sexuality. People experience shame for many reasons including the result of a physical disability. Men who suffer from premature ejaculation and women who can’t reach an orgasm can cause them shame during intimate moments.

Ability: Empowerment, belief systems, high expectations, and desire aren’t magic cures, but can have a positive effect and can activate brain circuits.  Seek professional help from a Sex Therapist or Sexologist and do something bold to help you overcome your shameful feelings, such as pole dancing lessons.

4. Broken Trust

Disability: Establishing a sexual bond can be unbearable when trust has been broken, boundaries have been violated and you have been betrayed. This can affect not only the current relationship but future ones as well.

Ability: In sex, trust is the key, so trust yourself and forgive the trauma. This adjustment process is a deep, integrated experience. One’s attitude can change from negative to more positive through the understanding of where the dark emotions come from, and how they really don’t define you anymore.

5. Anxiety And Panic Attacks

Disability: Fear comes in all shapes and forms, including fear of sex. Whether it’s from low libido or sexual abuse, it can affect a person’s entire life and destroy their relationships.

Ability: The best way to rid fear is to communicate with a professional psychotherapist and your partner. Accept that there will be fluctuations and change.  Create a safe, accepting space and don’t be afraid to say, “I don’t know what, if anything will happen.  I don’t know where this relationship will take us.” Acknowledging your fear, but facing it is the best way to diminish it.

* The above information is not a replacement for medical treatment or therapy.