6 Times To Say ‘No’ To Sex

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For most of us, a loving commitment is the end game. And whereas lust is a given, ideally passion is always part of the equation.

So, when do you say no to sex with a potential Mr. Right?

Here are six times it’s wise to say “No,” even when you’re aching to say, “Yes! Yes! Yes!”

First dates are out

He might have a great look and have all the right moves, but first date sex is way too easy to make an exception for any guy. If you want to avoid the “slut” label, make him play a waiting game. Sorry, that’s just the way it is. He may like that less, but he’ll admire you more.

Office parties and sex don’t make for great mergers

Before, during or after a company party may feel like the right time to sneak off to the supply room, but it’s not. Don’t say you never got the memo, because here it is: don’t go there. Why? Because inevitably he’ll let it slip to a co-worker (or two, or three) about your executive sweets. Worse yet, if you get caught, you can kiss that promotion and raise good-bye.

Sex Under the Influence: you won’t get a ticket for this but you should

Had too much to drink? That’s no reason to do the deed with a fogged brain. Sober and perhaps after a great third date, sure. But falling off a barstool and into his arms does not make for a great “How I Met Your Mother,” story. Worst of all, drunk boinking sends the wrong message of what being intimate with the right guy means to you. Your new mantra: sex should come with no regrets.

You haven’t any contraception protection

Just because you’re both ready in spirit doesn’t mean you’re prepared for what biology does best. That said, carry your own supply of back-up condoms. Otherwise, your plan B may have an “oops” in it, and that’s no way to begin a relationship.

He’s ready, but you’re not

True love is always and only a game for two. It doesn’t matter that he “wants you so bad.” The truth is that you have to feel that way about him, too. Having sex when he’s ready—but you’re not—is like skating out onto a frozen pond in early spring: you’re always thinking, “Did I do a dumb thing?” The answer is: Yes.

It’s Date Number Whatever

This is the most common intimacy trap that women fall into: waiting until a specific number of dates have taken place to determine that the time is right to go to bed with him.

The best way to know when it’s right is when you feel it, whole-heartedly. You know him well. You like how he treats you out of bed. You’re clear-headed about this decision. You’ve thought it through, and you’ve come prepared.

Great relationships are not ones we back our way into. When it’s right, you will know it.

Otherwise, wait and see. Yes, this may cause him to move on. If so, then it wasn’t meant to be, and you’ll be free to find your Mr. Right, as opposed to Mr. Right Now.

Josie Brown  is co-author of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Finding Mr. Right, as well as five novels, including Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives, soon to be a prime time drama on ABC.