Let’s talk about Truth…NOW! …’cause Love is in the air with Valentine’s Day approaching!
Our primary relationship is with ourselves. When we love ourselves fully and unconditionally, we throw open the channels between ourselves and the universe to give and receive love.
If someone were to ask me: “What is the most difficult challenge that you’ve faced in your life?” I would unhesitatingly reply: “To be myself.” To be oneself in all situations is often an impossible job that calls for effort, courage and brutal honesty. But, to be myself I need to know myself. And to know myself, I must Love myself.
Most of us hate to describe ourselves as self-loving because we have been told that this is narcissistic; that there is an element of wantonness in admitting: “I am a wonderful person and I Love myself”
Ask Yourself: When I look into the mirror, am I happy with what I see? Do I ever allow my imperfections to neutralize what is best in me? Do I accept myself without conditions?
Dale Carnegie, the best-selling author of How to Win Friends and Influence People, tells the story of a woman, Edith, who, as a child, used to be sensitive, shy and overweight. She never went to parties, never had any fun and always felt that she was different and undesirable. Later, she married a man several years her senior. Her in-laws were all outgoing, poised and confident people. But that did not affect Edith’s shyness. She felt she was a failure and feared that if her husband found out the truth, it would be the end of their marriage. So, Edith put up a show of gaiety, while deep within unhappiness eroded her. One day, she overheard her mother-in-law say, referring to the secret behind her children’s poise and happiness: “No matter what happened, I always insisted on my children being themselves.” Almost overnight Edith changed. She began a search for herself, building on her strong points, accepting without apology her weaker points.
Striving for authenticity in thought and action is the first mature step in self-evolution. We feel alienated from others because we don’t show our real selves for fear of rejection. The result is internal dissonance. We can connect with our inner selves only when we peel off all masks. To accept the totality of our being, we must become compassionate towards ourselves. Accepting our negativity is an integral part of the human experience; we can then extend this to others. This is true compassion.
The American philosopher Emerson makes a valid point in his essay On Self-reliance: “There is a time in every man’s education when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance; that imitation is suicide; that he must take himself for better, for worse, as his portion; that though the wide universe is full of good, no kernel of nourishing corn can come to him but through his toil bestowed on that plot of ground which is given to him to till. The power which resides in him is new in nature, and none but he knows what that is, which he can do, nor does he know until he has tried.”
Ironically, we spend a major part of our lives with a begging bowl, pleading for love from others. We believe that we will feel better if people love us. But the love I want begins with me. I can experience real love only when I fill myself with love…and am willing to give it to others. The more I give, the more I receive.
All our life’s experiences comprise an endless learning act. We merely need the willingness. We must all learn to bypass the cacophony of the world to reach into the silence of our soul. In order to love, in order to be happy, we must learn to be present in each moment. Don’t keep your happiness on hold. Hey, life is not a dress rehearsal. Now is the only time we have.
If we work for them, all our material dreams can be achieved. But if what we seek is something beyond, something that endures within us, we must give priority to love and happiness. We are willing to invest time and money in the pursuit of material gains, but we don’t do the same to establish love, happiness and peace of mind. If only each of us could pray to alleviate the pain and suffering of others, we could make that vital connection with the real us.
In his book Seat of the Soul, Gary Zukav asks his readers not to pass value judgment or censure anybody. If we do so, we in turn will be judged by the universe and penalized accordingly. Judgments build walls between people, creating hostility. When negative thoughts intrude, break their flow by repeating to yourself words such as love, joy and harmony. Words weave patterns in our lives. Build up a vocabulary of words that have positive connotations.
Tomorrow really never comes. We have only today, maybe only this fleeting minute. So let us be grateful for every moment that comes our way. Many successful people began and ended their day by an act of gratitude. The universe, God —call it what you will—has been magnanimous with us today.
So let us close our eyes, recall every happy moment that we have experienced, and thank this power with all our heart. As gratitude and appreciation grow and fill your life, you will learn how to sincerely love yourself for what you really are.
There is not a single person in this universe who leads a problem-free life. Yet we encounter people whose lives appear dynamic and joyous. What sets them apart? The answer: they do not allow themselves to be immobilized by little things. They respond to problems with ease, change things that can be changed and accept those that can’t. In the process, they come closer to the wisdom of discernment.
In this harsh, inconsistent world where people’s sense of esteem stems from degrees of workaholism, there is an intangible, sinking feeling of emptiness. We need to fill this with a sense of inner quietness. But inner peace and an outer, perfection-obsessed attitude are incompatible companions.
Contemporary wisdom would have us believe that packing each day with things that need to be done is the secret of success. But life isn’t all about getting things done as much as it is about enjoying each step along the way. Many a marital discord erupts from couples’ obsession with getting everything done in record time and to perfection. If, on the other hand, I ask myself each night: “Has my Life made a little bit of difference to at least one person?” and hear a resounding “Yes!” in reply, all the things I haven’t managed to do over the day would not matter at all.
Self love forms the foundation of your single, most important relationship – the one with yourself. The strength of all your other relationships is exactly equal to the strength of that foundation. To love yourself is not just a self-esteem boosting piece of advice. It is the prerequisite for truly loving others. The Golden Rule tells us to “love your neighbor as you love yourself”. You are likely to have heard it many times, expressed in different ways, thinking it is about loving others. Look a little closer though, and you will find that at its very centre is the command to love yourself.
Will the Real Self Love Please Stand Up?
To love yourself is to be in awe of the miracle of your existence. It is to accept yourself as you are – the “light” parts and the “dark”, the “good” and the “bad” – while knowing that the real you is above the perceived dualities of the physical realm. It is to be willing to receive as much as you are willing to give and do both equally. It is about knowing your values and your boundaries and honoring them. It is about teaching others how to treat you by showing them how you treat yourself. It is about being kind to yourself. It is about looking after your mind, your body and your Spirit; all three. It is about knowing you are worth it, not because of what you have achieved or what you look like or what others think of you, but because Love is your birthright no matter what.
To YOU Loving YOU!
With Love & Blessings!
“There is a mighty Power within you. There is that Spirit of Life, Light, and Love. The more you feast on these ideas and fast from old corrosive ones, the closer you experience the Life you desire.”
-Frank Richelieu, The Art of Being Yourself
Rhonda M. Farrah M.A., DRWA Author, Speaker, Entrepreneur, and Spiritual Teacher is dedicated to the practice of Health & Wellness Empowerment, assisting individuals in developing life strategies to help them help themselves. Rhonda’s Health & Wellness Empowerment Coaching includes programs that allow us to become as healthy, fit and trim…in body, mind and spirit…as we choose to be. Rhonda advocates all Wellness…Personal, Physical, Environmental, & Financial Wellness…NOW!
Rhonda M. Farrah, MA, DRWA
The Wellness Institute International
877-82COACH toll free 877-822-6224
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