Nobody teaches you the rules about dating your friends ex, so here are some thought provoking lessons.
TV producer, entrepreneur and TV personality Simon Cowell is currently being dragged in the middle of his friend’s divorce with allegations that he had an affair with his friend’s wife.
Infidelity is already hurtful enough to all those involved but the damage seems to multiply in a situation like this where a friendship is destroyed. After all, there is an unspoken code that contains the golden rule that the wife of a friend is off limits, isn’t there? And would things be different if the friends were divorced or does the same rule apply to exes?
As the story goes, the three were all good friends until Andrew filed for divorce and named Simon as a co-respondent. He’s alleging that Simon and his wife Lauren had an affair, which caused the end of their marriage. To add to the drama, Lauren is now ostensibly pregnant with Simon’s first child.
Long-term relationships are incredibly complicated and there is no way of knowing the status of this married couple before Simon’s involvement outside of the rumors and accusations. The bigger question is, how would you respond if you found yourself in the middle of this story? Most notably if you were Andrew and found out that your best friend had an affair with your wife, is the betrayal more hurtful? If so, why? And, even if Andrew and Lauren were already separated or even formally divorced, what is the rule about exes?
To me, it seems that having sex with your best friend’s wife is the ultimate betrayal, especially when children are involved. It’s a hurt that never heals. Lauren has a 7-year-old son with her husband and he is going to be dragged through this emotional turmoil that will affect him for the rest of his life. It’s not healthy for anyone concerned and results in a negative emotional cocktail that includes, jealousy, competitiveness, anger and embarrassment.
There are only two circumstances in which I would consider a relationship with a friend’s ex to be acceptable:
1. If you ask permission to date your friends ex and he or she says it’s okay, then you don’t have to feel guilty or embarrassed that you are doing something wrong.
2. If the spouse dies, in which case it is acceptable for a best friend to take care of the widow.
Ultimately, you need to ask yourself if it’s worth all of the drama and if it can survive the all-negative backlash. And, most importantly, keep in mind that Leopards don’t change their spots. If he will to cheat WITH you, he’s just as willing to cheat ON you.
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