Sexy time with a partner can be hard to come by sometimes. (Bad pun, sorry!) Seriously though, with partners who work, or one who works and one who manages the household, or kids, etc. etc., it can become difficult to find time for intimacy. So I encourage you to find time for sexy play whenever you can, even if it’s while you’re making breakfast/lunch/dinner/dessert.
Food play doesn’t have to be a fetish; it could just be a fun way to interact. So picture this: one partner is making dinner, let’s say spaghetti, and is stirring the pot of sauce on the stove. I’m assuming that you’re making sauce from scratch, because I’m Italian and that’s how we roll. If not, you’re still probably heating up the sauce on the stove, and perhaps adding a bit of red wine to enhance the flavor. Just a suggestion. So partner A is stirring the sauce and pulls out the wooden spoon to taste it, to make sure the flavor is just right. Perhaps partner B is standing nearby and asks for a taste. Voila! Instant opportunity! A quick kiss, licking sauce off the corner of the mouth, or possibly a mini food fight, and you’ve just had a nice sexy moment.
Sexy time doesn’t have to be long, drawn out, or planned. Frequent touching, kissing, or caressing throughout the day can do wonders to remind your partner just how much they love sexy time with you.
Here’s another idea. Who hates doing dishes? (Me!) So what if the dishes came with an incentive? For every minute it takes to do the dishes, that’s banking a minute of sexy time with your partner. And since you’re doing the dishes, you get to choose the activity. 10 minutes of dishes = 10 minutes of your partner going down on you? Sounds like fun to me! Or maybe 20 minutes of dishes = a 20 minute back massage. The possibilities are endless! Imagine fighting over who gets to do the dishes!
Then there’s the ever-popular human sundae. You pour chocolate sauce, whipped cream, honey, peanut butter, caramel (you get the idea) wherever you want your partner to lick. Pro tip – keep sugar out of the vagina – it’s a recipe for an infection that is anything but sexy. Use food as a road map for intimacy. When you’re baking, have your partner lick the icing/batter off your finger. The fingertips have tons of nerve endings, and it can be incredibly arousing.
A close friend of mine is an oncologist. She works long hours and has two young children. She and her husband are often pressed for time. She’s an excellent cook and spends a lot of time in the kitchen preparing meals for her family. I asked her how she finds time for intimacy with such a busy life and she said, “I put on Dora the Explorer for the kids and start making dinner. I know exactly how long the show lasts. My husband knows that when the show starts it’s time for fun!”
The most important thing is get creative and have fun! If sexy time isn’t playful, then what’s the point? A sense of humor is vital to a healthy sexual experience. Real people don’t fuck like porn stars—there are no flawless bodies or perfect sexual interactions. Some of the best advice I ever received was “enjoy the sex you’re having.” Don’t try to have the kind of sexual experience you think you’re “supposed” to have.
You’ll notice I’ve used the phrase “sexy time” instead of “sex” throughout this article. I think people naturally think of sex as intercourse, and I don’t want to limit the experience. Sexy time could include intercourse, oral stimulation, touching, rubbing, licking, caressing, kissing, cuddling, and all manner of other activities in which you and a partner choose to engage. The only limit is your imagination. Your partner’s body is a treasure map and there are lots of X’s!