He’s Just Not Into You

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Step away from the guy.

I know he said all those nice things. I know the sex was awesome. I know you “connected.” So who cares if he didn’t contact you for two weeks? Yes, you’re right, he’s probably scared. Or no, intimidated by you, that’s it. Oh that’s right, he did just get out of a relationship so he’s probably just freaked out. That must be it. Maybe he doesn’t own computer and aliens abducted his cell phone and that’s why he hasn’t got in touch. Or maybe aliens abducted him. Hey, don’t laugh; you saw it on a program the other night.

Yeah.

Or, maybe, just maybe — as that book a few years back that was so popular for a spell — he’s just not that into you.

With all the other omni-present communication technology available today, it is almost impossible not to contact someone. Sometimes we even call people from our pants pocket when we don’t even mean to. So, if a guy’s really into you, yeah he’ll contact you.

It’s that simple.

But I reeeally like him, you say, and just because he doesn’t call or can’t seem to commit to a relationship with me, doesn’t necessarily mean he’s not into me. Besides, it’s better than being alone, and if I wait around for the perfect guy to treat me the way I deserve, I’ll be wearing granny pants the first time we sleep together and not because it’s laundry day.

Right, so better than nothing is what we’re going for now?

Unfortunately, most women would rather spend hours with girlfriends over dinners/drinks/the phone analyzing every detail of every encounter with the guy who’s been dicking her around for weeks/months/years in the hopes that she will discover some magical behavior/reaction/right thing to say that will suddenly make him see just how perfect the two of you are for each other.

C’mon girls, we’ve all done it.

Okay, not all of you. I have at least one girlfriend (she’s never been dumped because she always dumps him first) who’s been telling her girlfriends this for years: Lose the loser.

She demands that men treat her better than most women I know think they should because they’re from another planet, can’t commit, have intimacy issues or whatever fancy excuse we or the culture comes up with for why men can be such pains in the ass.  Like why he “forgets” to call.

If he likes you, he doesn’t forget to call…ever.

Oh, but what about his fear of intimacy? Again, ask any guy if “a fear of intimacy” has ever stopped him from getting into a relationship? Only women use that phrase.

He’s afraid to get hurt again. That’s another great excuse. Hell, aren’t we all? Trust me, if a guy really, really likes you, he’ll take the risk.

I’m not saying you bolt at the first sign of bad behavior. Sure, one indiscretion, maybe you can let it go. A constant state of uneasiness, however, is not good. Tears? Really bad. Dating someone is supposed to make us feel good, not make us cry.

Okay, so where are all these great guys who will adore and love you as much as you so obviously deserve. They’re out there. Honest. It may mean you have to kiss a few toads, as the old saying goes, but think about it, the sooner you stop taking crap from guys, the sooner they’ll realize they need to step up to the plate if they want to date a woman. The more that happens, the more decent guys women will have to choose from.