Improve Your Sexual Energy

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Skin is our largest organ, and it’s made to feel sensation. If we were destined for anything other than a life of sensation, we would have been formed of some other kind of material, like metal maybe. So what has happened to us regarding sex? We seem to be obsessed with sex, but so few people are actually enjoying themselves sexually.

Many people feel little if any sensation. They live their lives inside thoughts, judgments, evaluations and assessments. When their bodies give them signals, they tend to miss or ignore them, because they have been trained to value only what the mind thinks.

This was not necessarily a conscious choice. Many people are trained away from feeling strongly and passionately. We were taught we had to stay in control of ourselves, of our emotions. We were told: “Why do you feel like that? It’s not rational,” or “You are too much. Can you tone yourself down?”

Most people learn to bury or suppress feelings and experience life in their heads. There is very little room for pleasure there. Pleasure shows up as anticipation, rather than a sensual experience that is felt in the body. The mind may imagine something will be pleasurable, but it takes the body to actually feel it. In essence, our bodies have become something we do to, or use in certain ways, but not a source of inner knowledge.

But to increase your possibility of staying healthy vibrant and alive, you want to feel all of your feelings. In a sexy and healthy life, we can and want to increase our capacity for pleasure. It’s our birthright to feel pleasure, to feel sensations, to let the body inform us. In essence, it’s an act of honoring ourselves. When we start paying attention to our sexual energy and to moving it throughout the body, whether by ourselves or with a partner, we will naturally feel better, more passionate and more alive. The operative word here is “naturally.” It is our innate nature to feel.

Celibate Tibetan monks have known for centuries that circulating sexual energy would keep them healthy and vital, retarding the aging process and producing a virtual fountain of youth. And did you know that during sexual activity, cold and flu symptoms subside? The point is our sexual health is a part of our overall health. They go hand in hand and actually cannot be separated.

See here is a simple exercise you can do to get back in touch with your body where pleasure resides.

Get In Touch And Turn On

1.    Sit quietly on a pillow or a chair with your back straight.

2.    Breathe in slowly through the nose and out through the mouth, as you slowly exhale making a sound like a sigh.

3.    Notice your thoughts, judgments, evaluations, and assessments (mind chatter). Gather it up as you inhale.  Then let it all go as you exhale deeply through the mouth making sound.

4.    Repeat this practice for at least 3 minutes.  Keep bringing yourself back to the present by letting it all go as you exhale deeply through the mouth making a sound.

5.    Now begin gently squeezing your bottom (your anal sphincter muscles and pubococcygeal muscles). Do this for minimum two minutes.

6.    Take a big inhale through the nose, tighten every muscle in the body including those you’ve just been squeezing.  Hold your breath with all muscles tightened. Take a sniff and let go by exhaling deeply through the mouth making sound.

7.    Notice how you feel – look throughout the body as distinct from what the mind thinks. Look for energy swirls, changes in temperature, tightness, looseness and even seeing color with your eyes closed.

You have just moved your sexual energy away from the genitals spreading it throughout the body. When we move our sexual energy and experience relaxation and/or a different whole-body pleasure the result over time is eradication of feelings of shame, guilt and other traumas we may have experienced earlier in our lives that have been stored in our cellular memory. The outcome is more pleasure, permission for unabashed life at its fullest – body, mind and spirit connected and working in unison forever.

Laurie Handlers, MA, is the author of Sex & Happiness and President of Butterfly Workshops, LLC, a Phoenix, AZ based company currently offering sexual health and awareness courses and leadership courses for corporations and individuals throughout the world. She hosts a weekly radio show about sex and intimacy and has appeared in many articles, books and films. Find out more at

  • Kellie Kamryn

    Great article! A lot of what I practice as well :)