In the last article, Common Problems Men Face With Women, we explored a few of the most common problems men face with women. Let’s continue:
You two are out with friends, with your boss over dinner, etc., and your girlfriend gets drunk, begins flirting, grabs your crotch, gets loud or just loose, etc. Regardless of the specifics, you’re starting to get embarrassed and angry. You have only a few choices here and most men choose the wrong one – anger.
I’m sure some of you are asking, “What kind of man would date a woman like this?” but, as mentioned in the previous article many women are prone to bouts of the crazies sometimes. This can happen particularly when some women are feeling ignored or neglected. Women know that they aren’t going to “motivate” you by brute force. So, they use other less obvious attention-getting methods.
I’ve actually had to remove myself and my date from a public place due to this very thing.
She Becomes Overbearing or Controlling
Your girl begins to “micro-manage” your every move. “Don’t wear that shirt”, “I want you here at exactly 6:30 – not a minute later”, “We are GOING to see the new Woody Allen movie”, etc. Now, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t compromise. On the other hand, you shouldn’t be le
d around by the nose either.
Keep in mind that we’re talking about unreasonable control issues here – not unique and worthwhile perspectives. There are many times you should actually listen, but when it comes to second guessing everything you do or say or out-right control problems something needs to be said – and changed.
Here’s an important fact for men to understand: women rarely see you backing down as strategic or “diplomatic”. In fact, they more often interpret this as being cowardly and weak. That’s a very bad precedent to set because it’s near impossible to change once it sets in. Being a team means exactly that – working together. It’s not about control or imposition or being domineering or overbearing.
She Flirts With Other Men When She’s With You
If the two of you go out and she flirts with other men, you’ve got to feel like a jackass – in fact, you probably look like a jackass! I’ve heard some of my male friends say, “oh – she’s just outgoing”. Nonsense! You have the right to her attention and shouldn’t expect to have to share it with others; particularly when it’s overt. Consider this – if you’re the one some guy’s date is flirting with, are YOU above slipping her your number? Me either!
Obviously, the situation also plays a role here. If you and she are with her co-workers, she’d be better off not ignoring them. However, if she spends most of the night paying attention to the single guy from accounting or just “forgets” to introduce you to her friends, I’d suggest you get involved.
She Gets Violent
I actually had a girlfriend that was very, very sweet and demure – until you got her angry. Then, she turned violent. She tried to run me over in her car on two separate occasions, slashed the tires on my car and I actually woke up once to find her coming at me with a kitchen knife! Fortunately, I survived to be able to warn you in this article.
First I want to say clearly and without confusion – I DO NOT accept or promote violence from anyone for any reason. If either of you choose to deal with your problems with violence – get help and get out! This is not acceptable behavior for anyone under any circumstance!
Unfortunately, almost everyone believes that men are violent and women are victims. The statistics show otherwise however. Women inflict harm on their boyfriends and spouses at the same rates as men. Even more unfortunate, it’s very difficult for men to get help when they are victims. I know men that were actually arrested after calling the police because their girlfriends or wives attacked them! It’s unfortunate but your only real defense today is to just get the hell out of there – and never go back.
You Always Pay Or Provide Value Which Is Never Returned
When the two of you go out, you’re probably footing all or most of the bill. This often equates to $100 or more per date. In addition, she hasn’t cooked you a single meal, taken you anywhere, AND she has a job! I don’t know why men continue to think that they can buy their way into a woman’s pants. I constantly see men buying expensive gifts, taking women on expensive trips, even paying a woman’s bills. Men, you can’t spend enough to make her feel obliged to sleep with you. Stop this madness right now!
Any healthy relationship is based on give and take. This doesn’t mean that she should match you dollar for dollar (nor should you match her!) People that are in mutually beneficial relationships want to show the other person their caring and respect. They do this by being attentive, aware, and considerate and by bringing themselves to the relationship. You shouldn’t settle for anything less than this.
I continue to hear some women say, “Well, he should pay for everything – after all he’s getting me!” Sorry – she’s not worth it. Any woman with this attitude should be dumped immediately. If you’re in this type of relationship you’d better check your own self-esteem.
You’re Still Waiting to “Seal the Deal”
You’ve been going out with her for some time now (six months??) and she still isn’t ready to hit the sack with you, but you know that she’s been sexual with other boyfriends in the past. What’s going on here – is she a “born-again virgin?”
Most women know within 5 minutes of meeting you if they’re going to sleep with you or not. Of course, they’re probably not going to tell you this. To many women, sex means the achievement of connection, intimacy and commitment. Men instead use sex as a way to get to know a woman and begin the process of growing the relationship. However, too many men think that if they can just “hang in there” she’ll come around. Frankly, women soon begin to see these men as their buddies – not their lovers. Once you become the male friend, you’ll probably never be the boyfriend.
I recommend that men have their own “standards” in this; and every aspect of dating and relationships. What do you want? What do you need? You can’t impose your will on someone that doesn’t want the same things, but you can always go find someone else that does.
She Starts Moving In or “Marking her Territory” Without Discussion
This may start simply enough – her makeup kit, an overnight bag, etc. Then, she wants her own drawer, her own closet, she begins to redecorate your house with her things, she wants to change the tile in the bathroom and add seat covers, toilet-roll cozies that look like pink poodles, etc.
While I think it’s a good thing to have some of the supplies your girl needs at your place (and yours at hers too) unless you’re spending a lot of time there, she probably doesn’t need to replace your things with hers.
This goes along with marking the territory. I’ve had women (and actually quite a number of them!) leave strands of their hair in my car and around my house, spray my furniture with their perfume, mark my clean shirts with their lipstick and many other actions designed specifically to let any other girl know they were their first.
No, it’s not cute and you should feel free to say so!
In the last part of this article I’ll give you some simple, time-tested techniques to deal with these problems once and for all.
Have a love, dating, sex or relationship question? You can write to me or get more information about “Being a Man in a Woman’s World tm” by going to: http://BeingAMan.com. Follow me on Facebook (http://tinyurl.com/cas4w9) and Twitter (http://tinyurl.com/d3pecs).
Copyright (c) 2013, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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