Dating After Your Break-Up: Are You Ready?

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Are you getting over a break up or just finalizing a divorce? Did you recently lose your partner through a break up or death? Each of these situations takes a toll on us mentally and emotionally. It can be tough to know when you’re ready to get back out there.

Physically you may want to start dating quickly, you may miss the companionship or the intimacy you had with your partner. Maybe you don’t like to be alone and want to connect with someone. There are so many reasons why you may want to start dating again, but you’re doing yourself and any potential date a disservice if you rush into dating before you’re really ready.

Here are some questions you should consider before starting to date again. Can you answer yes to each of these? In order for these questions to help you, you have to be completely honest with yourself. If you feel the need to stretch the truth about any of these questions – then the answer is NO.

•    Can you truthfully say that you are totally “over” your last relationship?

•    Are you able and will you avoid talking about your past relationship?

•    Do you have the confidence to approach someone you are interested in?

•    What qualities do you have to offer in a relationship?

•    What do you bring to the relationship? This is not about material possessions, what else do you bring, good and bad to a relationship?

•    What qualities do you want in the person you are looking for?

•    What do you want and need that person to bring to a relationship? Again, this is not about material possessions and money.

•    Will you compromise if the person doesn’t fit your ideal of “perfection”?

•    How far are you willing to compromise?

•    Do you enjoy and want to date and meet new people?

•    Are you comfortable or can you function in social settings?

Okay – let’s move on to the real nitty gritty topics.

•    If you have children, are they ready for you to start dating again?

•    If you have children, have you talked to them about bringing a new person into your life?

•    Are you in a position and ready to make a commitment to someone, if you find someone that you are interested in and they are interested in you?

•    Are you willing and able to fulfill their needs; mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually and sexually?

Last – and this is the most important question. If your answer to this is no, then you are not ready to be in a relationship. Do you love yourself unconditionally?

One of my main focuses as a love coach is to help clients overcome the things that keep them from loving themselves. If you have this issue – I can relate, there were many reasons why I didn’t like myself and certainly didn’t love myself. But while I was studying to be a love coach, I saw myself and others in a different way and I love to help other people learn to love themselves – just the way they are, even with all the imperfections. Think about this – how can you ask someone else to love you, when you don’t love yourself?

Nikki Leigh – Love and Relationship Coach