Disaster-Free Dating In The New Year

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There is a wonderful old expression that goes like this: “If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll be getting what you’re getting.”

Perhaps nowhere in a single woman’s life is this truer than in the painful world of dating. For those who feel dating is a disaster-prone endeavor, here are the issues facing you, and the solutions which will help make 2013 the Year of the Relationship

Problem #1: You’re Desperate To Be In A Relationship. Yes, Any Relationship.

You have a propensity for saying yes to guys who you shouldn’t go near. So why do you lower yourself? Simple. Your low self esteem convinces you that you don’t deserve better. It also has you believing you’ll never find Mr. Right, so go ahead and settle for Mr. Oh So Wrong for You.

Solution: Pretend Santa owes you one more gift. Make a list of the traits you’re looking for in a relationship, check it twice—especially up against those who you feel won’t match up. If they aren’t up to snuff, just say no. It’s okay!

Problem #2: You Sabotage Your Relationships.

Self esteem is also the cause of this issue: you just don’t feel you deserve a great guy. So when Mr. Right comes along, you do or say something that turns him off. Or you’re too clingy.

Solution: Fine men are like fine wines: they need to breathe, and they need to be appreciated. Enjoy his company, and let him know this is the case. Treat him like your best friend, with all the respect that entails. If he’s the guy you think he is, he’ll live up to your expectations, and treat you the same: with appreciation and respect.

Problem #3: Every Date Is A Disappointment.

It’s perfectly okay to have high expectations of the person with whom you hope to establish a primary relationship. But you’ll find yourself constantly disappointed if you judge your dates strictly on superficial issues. Millionaires, too, can be emotional abusers. For that matter, the cute dude with the Porsche and the 84-foot yacht may be a player who’ll never call you again.

Solution: Assess your date based on such important traits as his ability to be honest, faithful, and kind. If he’s just as (or more) ambitious as you, all the better.

In  a happy relationship, these are the constants. Everything else is temporary.

Josie Brown, is co-author of THE COMPLETE IDIOT’S GUIDE TO FINDING MR. RIGHT. She is also the author of THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN’S HANDBOOK novel series, and the TOTLANDIA series. Her latest book, THE CANDIDATE, is a political thriller.