Are We Moving Too Fast?

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When you fall in love, it’s easy to get lost in your partner and just let everything else come second to them. Falling in love feels good and you typically want to just absorb yourself and everything you do into that person. I mean let’s face it: we all want love. And there’s nothing wrong with that, but you must be mindful of just how fast you’re falling so that you don’t make the mistake of falling too deep too fast. Here are a few ways to self-evaluate:

1.    Absentee Friend

If you are starting to see less and less of your friends, there’s a good chance that you may be allowing your time to be too consumed by your significant other. It’s important to exercise time management and be mindful of any sudden changes in the amount and/or the frequency that you’re seeing your group of friends. If you start to notice that your friends are doing things without you because you’re “always busy” or that your friends make comments about how they don’t see you anymore, it may be time to take a step back from your relationship.

2.    Big Plans

It’s fun to think ahead, and it’s completely natural to try and add his last name to yours to see how it “flows,” or imagine what your children would look like…but keep those things as purely thoughts at the beginning of a relationship. Not only might you scare the pants off your new partner unnecessarily, but you may also set yourself up for disappointment. Falling too fast may block your vision of what’s logical and what is more along the lines of fantasy. Not to say that you two don’t have the chance for marriage and children, but try to keep those thoughts to a minimum in the beginning. Talk of moving in together too soon into a relationship, on behalf of either party is also a sign that things may be speeding down the fast lane with no brakes.

3.    You’re Out Of Your Comfort Zone

It’s good to stretch your boundaries to explore new possibilities for love, and sometimes you do have to leave your comfort zone to do it, but make sure you’re still honoring your own feelings and expectations. For example, if your latest ‘gut check’ is telling you that it’s really too soon to meet his parents, it’s okay to say no! A short term postponement might make the difference between a horribly uncomfortable night, and meeting your future in-laws. You know what feels right in your heart, so you also know that rushing into things might throw your young relationship on the rocks, or build resentment that puts a strain on both of you.

4.    Out Of The Loop

If you slowly but surely stop being “in the know” about the latest happenings amongst your friends and family, it may be a sign that you need to get back in the mix…without your boyfriend. Yes, you can bring him around but it’s important to keep some things separate as well. Don’t always bring him along when you and you friends plan something as they may get a little annoyed. Believe it or not, your friends are your friends because they like YOU, not necessarily who you are dating (especially someone new). And when it comes to family, if you pop back up and you’ve missed a birth announcement and engagement/break-up, birthday, etc., that’s a clear sign you are not only not seeing your family enough but you’re not even picking up the phone. Not cool.

Get to know the guy before planning a life with him. Believe it or not, it can take years to really get to know someone, so play it safe and take it slow.