Anal sex is one of the many pleasurable acts we can perform with our bodies, but it often carries with it apprehension or fear. The anus is a sensitive orifice with thousands of nerve endings, which can deliver both pleasure and pain. The trick to enjoying anal sex is knowing how to relax, communicate with your partner, and gradually build up to full penetration.
If you’re considering anal sex with your partner, safety and preparation are paramount. You’ll want to keep these basic rules in mind.
12 ANAL SEX RULES:
ANAL SEX RULE #1 Talk about having anal sex before you do it.
Ask your lover what they like best about anal sex, emotionally and sexually. What is their favorite anal sex position? Do they want to use anal sex toys and what are their concerns? Be sure to share your wants, needs and anxieties since people cannot read their partner’s minds.
ANAL SEX RULE # 2 Keep the anus healthy and clean
Cleaning the anus is the best way to get started on your anal adventure.
You can use an anal douche or enema to cleanse the anal passage, as both will leave the worries behind of uncleanliness.
Then set the mood by enjoying a bath together! Washing and stimulating the woman’s back and buttocks with plenty of leisurely love is the perfect way to help her to relax and build trust for a source of great pleasure. It’s also a great way to warm the anus up to the idea of being touched and penetrated.
ANAL SEX RULE #3 Begin with external buttock massage before anal play
Caressing a woman’s body can create an intimate connection and build sensual anticipation that leads to increasing her sexual desires. One of the easiest ways to give a pre-anal massage is to have the woman kneeling on her hands and knees. This position gives the man easy access to her backside for her increased pleasure and provides him with an erotic visual. Spread massage glide or lubricant over her back and work your way down towards her buttocks. This can help her to unwind and heighten sensations around her anus.
ANAL SEX RULE #4 Communicate readiness when the anal muscles are physically relaxed and you, ladies, are emotionally ready
When a woman is ready for anal fingering to commence, good communication skills are essential. Slowly, gently ease the finger (covered by a finger cot and plenty of lube) into the anus and wait for it to pucker over the finger before moving it in any further.
When your finger is in to the first knuckle, make sure to check-in with your partner. How does this feel? Remind her to breathe slowly and deeply as this can also affect the anal muscles. Tensing the anus and then letting go is a good way of learning to relax it.
ANAL SEX RULE #5 Anal sex penetrative toys must have a flared base so that if you lose your grasp, it will not slip into the rectum and become irretrievable
Butt plugs with a flared base are good for warming up the anus by getting the muscles to relax, especially for beginners. The tissues of the anus and rectum are fragile, so you always want to start out with the smallest butt plug with a narrow tip and a gradual taper covered in plenty of lube for slow gentle insertion and removal. Evolved’s Anal Stopper has an attachable flared base, which prevents it from being sucked into the rectum.
ANAL SEX RULE #6 To avoid health risks; use a barrier for anilingus, finger cot for anal fingering and a condom for anal penetration
It is imperative to practice safer sex during anal sex to prevent the transmission of STD’s and bacteria. Anilingus can be performed using a dental dam, split condom, or even kitchen plastic wrap as a barrier.
Before anal penetration, a woman can stimulate her man’s testicles while he is putting on his condom to help him maintain his erection and keep the mood seductive.
ANAL SEX RULE #7 Use smaller objects for partial penetration and gradually work up to larger ones before full penetration
Anal beads with multiple widths are a great way to build up momentum, as they start small and get progressively larger. Some women enjoy the sensation of the beads slowly stretching their anus, while others love the full feeling when all of the beads are inside them. They can be removed one by one or as one long strand of beads all at the same time during orgasm. Just be sure to add plenty of lube before inserting anal beads and wash them after each and every use.
ANAL SEX RULE #8 Never go from anal play to vaginal play without washing your mouth, finger, sex toy or changing a condom
Because the anus is also used for bodily elimination, you must keep any anal penetration separate from vaginal penetration to avoid bacterial contact. Thoroughly wash body parts and/or toys in between with soap and water or sex toy cleaner.
ANAL SEX RULE #9 Anal penetration requires lots of lubricant
Use lubes especially formulated for anal sex such as water-based or silicone.
The anus needs to be thoroughly lubricated throughout the entire process of anal sex. Keep applying more lube as you go, checking in with your partner to make sure she’s enjoying a smoother, silkier experience. Also, always be sure to add lube to the tip of toys before inserting them anally.
ANAL SEX RULE #10 Always start anal penetration gently and in slow motion
Always start out slow with shallow strokes, and then increase the speed and depth.
Remember that the rectum is not a straight line, but tilts toward the front of the body in the beginning, then curves back as you go deeper and finally tilts toward the front of the body again at the deepest level. It’s not a race to get all the way inside, but rather a slow exploration that will satisfy you both.
ANAL SEX RULE #11: The woman is always in control of anal penetration
A woman needs to know that you respect her limits and will not go deeper or faster than she is ready for. Go slow and allow her to ‘call the shots’ on the next level of penetration. The more she can trust her partner, the more relaxed she will be. So, it goes without saying that you must have good communication during anal sex.
ANAL SEX RULE #12 Relax and have fun
Create more intimacy by kissing with your eyes open and using synchronized breathing.
Try placing a hand on your lover’s heart to create an intimate energetic connection.
Remember, the best anal sex positions are the ones that work best for you and your lover!
Afterwards, talk to your partner about the experience, find out what they liked or didn’t like and most importantly, be sure to give them your feedback too.
A lot of curious couples wonder if ‘everybody’s doing it,’ and it turns out that anal sex is quite popular. In 2005, The Center for Disease Control (CDC) survey found that 40% of females ages 24-44 engaged in anal sex, and in the Journal of Sexual Medicine it is noted that the highest percentage of women in any age group who admitted to anal sex is now 46%, up from 33 % in 1992. In a survey of 100,000 Playboy readers, 61 percent of the women admitted to having tried anal sex.
The 3 E’s for Anal Sex Toys
There are some excellent toys on the market made specifically for anal sex. Using toys can help encourage communication with your partner by giving you both a focal point for discussion and for play. If you can talk about how to engage with the toy, then you can more easily communicate your level of comfort and pleasure, which is vital to share with each other as you try out new positions.
To keep things simple, remember the three E’s of anal sex toys:
• Enhance love making for you and your partner.
• Excite your body as preparation for more intimacy.
• Enable orgasms to happen.
Toys enhance your lovemaking through better communication and the thrill of trying something new. They excite your body by preparing the anus for penetration. You can start off with small toys and work your way up, not necessarily all in the same session! Toys also enable orgasms, such as the use of anal beads to stimulate the G-spot into full arousal.
Take the uneasiness out of anal sex by following these rules, and always have you and your partner’s comfort and pleasure at the top of your agenda. With great communication and careful preparation, anal sex can be a wonderful release and an incredibly sensual experience!
To find out more about the pleasure of anal sex, watch Dr. Ava’s Guide To Anal Sex For Women, which features live demonstrations of all the information above, plus many interesting and provocative positions to try. Watch the trailer here.